Soul Librettos

♬ 48

♬ Forty-eight

Lifelessly

"Kinakahiya kita... " she said in gritted teeth, "How dare you live with a guy I never like for you?"

Sumikip ang aking dibdib. I can feel the numbness of my cheeks from her slap kasabay ng pananakit ng mga butas sa aking puso na siya rin ang may gawa.

Tears immediately pooled in my eyes while looking at her. Suminghap siya habang nanginginig ang kanyang katawan sa sobrang galit sa akin.

"Nasaan ang pinagaralan mo? Sinong nagturo sa 'yo na sumama sa lalaki kung kailan mo gusto? God Fermatta! You're only nineteen and you tried to ditch us for a guy!" she shouted.

"Ni hindi mo man lang inisip ang Daddy mo! Hindi mo ako inisip! We were all worried to you tapos malalaman namin kasama mo lang ang boyfriend mo?" halos hindi makapaniwalang tanong niya sa akin, "Malay mo ba kung bukas makalawa hindi ka na niyan mahal! He's a superstar for all we know! You both are still young and can meet other pe— "

"Mom!" pigil ko sa kanya dahil pakiramdam ko'y nawawasak ang puso ko sa bawat sinasabi niya.

Mas lalong nanlaki ang kanyang mata dahil duon, "What? Wala kang alam sa mundong 'to Fermatta! Maaring ngayon gusto ka niya pero bukas hindi na!"

"He loves me, Mommy!"

"You will never know that, Fermatta! You think he loves you more than his career? You even ditched the West Tour just for him! Ano bang mas importante sa 'yo iyong career mo o iyong pagmamahal mo sa kanya? You don't know how many students of Cecilian wanted to become part of that West Tour and because of your love for that boy ay nagawa mong sirain ang kung anong mayroon ka na!"

"You will lose everything if you will continue this puppy love!" sigaw niya na halos makapagpabingi sa akin, "And he will also lose everything that he has para lang sa 'yo!"

Halos hindi ko mapigilan ang pagbabara ng aking lalamunan dahil sa mga salitang iyon. Ang mga luhang kanina ko pa inaalagaan ay kusang tumulo ng walang pasabi. Why does it feel more painful nuong sa kanya ko narinig ang mga salitang iyon? How many times do I have to hear that I will be Clef's downfall? Na ako ang sisira sa kanya?

Sa sobrang dalas pakiramdam ko'y sirang-sira na ang puso ko. Mom's words are like acid dripping unto my system, consuming me and leaving me with nothing, but I have to endure it like I've always do because I love Clef.

"You think he can leave the showbusiness for you, Fermatta? You think he can leave his dream for you?"
she asked me with those unbelievable tone, "I'm sorry to burst your bubble but he will not, Fermatta! He will choose his career over you! He will choose what he dreamt to be. Nasa rurok ng kasikatan ang boyfriend mo— "

"He is not like you, Mom" I muttered that made her stopped from talking.

She looked shock with the words I said. Pain immediately crossed her face like I have slapped her in her face bigtime and I can't help but to feel guilty for blurting such painful words to her.

I saw her biting her lips. Her eyes glistened with tears and her expression changed from anger to sorrow. I can feel the continues struck from my heart. Mas sumikip pa ang aking dibdib at mas lalong bumuhos ang aking luha.

Suminghap siya bago humakbang paatras, "I-I worked so hard for you, Ferm. I went to abroad so you and your Father could be proud of me dahil iyon lang ang alam kong gawin. Ang magperform"

"But you never ask if we wanted you to do that!" sigaw ko, "Hindi mo kami tinanong kung gusto ba naming umaalis ka rito sa bahay! I have longed for a mother for too long I have already forgot the feeling of having one!"