Daryl's Angel (Book One in the Apocalypse Angel Trilogy)

Chapter 65: When You Lose Something You Can't Replace

I ride for a while until I find an empty field. I see some horses in the distance, and pull Flame to a stop. I climb off and hug his big neck. He snorts softly and brushes my face with his velvety nose.

"Go be free," I whisper.

He whinnies and takes off across the field. I watch until he's out of sight, hoping he has good luck out there. I look down the road, seeing nothing but forest. I sigh and start walking.

Not knowing what happened to Daryl or anyone in my little family is killing me. I feel hollow just thinking about who might be dead and who's alive.

I remember Hershel's body; how the Governor had completely decapitated him, and his head was snapping and growling on the ground. His eyes were cold, nothing like the kind warmth they had before.

I grimace, my stomach turning with grief and disgust at the very thought.

I'm not used to being alone anymore. After all, I hadn't been alone since the department store in Atlanta.

Atlanta. That memory feels so faint I can barely remember it. That point where I was so close to ending it...

I wonder what had gone on with the Governor after Woodbury, or where he had found that group. The woman who finished him off had said that he was her boyfriend. He must have found her, and the little girl she had with her; her daughter.

Food and shelter; I've got to find both by nightfall. I turn and disappear into the forest, being careful of the noises I make. I walk for a bit, trying to find food, but I only find a blueberry plant. I pick some of those and eat. It's getting dark, so I find a sturdy tree and climb it.

I settle into a branch with a nice nook, leaning back and closing my eyes.

If Daryl were with me, he would've gotten at least a dozen squirrels by now. We would be eating them by a fire, discussing our plan of how we were gonna find the rest of the group, if they were alive.

I shut my eyes tighter, trying to block out the pain and sleep. My attempts fail. Every time I close my eyes, I see him; his sparkling blue eyes staring at me, his strong arms protecting me, his voice murmuring in my ear...

I open my eyes again, tears glistening on my cheeks. I look up through the trees, where I can faintly see the stars; stars that twinkle so far above me, unaware of everything going on down here on earth. They're lucky that they don't have to live through this hell.

"Wherever you are, I hope you're safe," I whisper before falling asleep.

Daryl's POV

I escaped with Beth. Everyone disappeared after I blew up that tank, and she came running out of the prison while I was looking for Hope. We managed to get out with our lives.

"I went to look for Judith. Where is everyone?" she asked.

"We gotta go, Beth," I replied, heartbroken. "We just gotta go."

I'm sitting by the fire. It's dark out and no walkers are around. Beth is settled nearby, staring into the flickering flames.

"We can't be the only ones," she says.

I don't respond. I don't want to think about who might be dead, or who is dead. I haven't cried yet, but that's only because I don't want Beth to see me at my weakest point.

"You're a tracker. Track down the others." She stands up, her voice rising. "Daryl! I know it's hard when you lose someone you love, but we have to try! Are you really gonna believe that she's dead?"

I don't flinch when she yells. I let her words hit me, but they especially hurt when she mentions her. Beth gives up and storms away. I get up, stomping out the fire and following her. She's all I've got, and I can't leave her alone.

We keep walking until Beth stops. I look past her, where footprints lie in the mud.

"It's Luke and Molly! I'm sure of it!" she says.

"That doesn't mean they're alive now," I respond, thinking of the two small children.

"They're alive," she snaps, continuing down the road. I keep following.

I don't blame her for hoping that someone made it out. I'm having a hell of a time trying to believe the same.

I keep thinking about Hope. She dominates my thoughts every second. I say her name over and over in my head as I remember the feeling of her touch or the way she says my name. The image of her sad and scared eyes as I kissed her goodbye stay etched in my mind. Part of me wishes I could erase it, just so I don't have to see her pained expression anymore.

I failed her. I failed my girl, who trusted me, trusted that I wouldn't leave her. That night when she had a nightmare, back at the CDC, I said that something about her made me want to protect her. Later, I promised that I would protect her always.

Always.

I guess always doesn't last forever.