Repressed Memories

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After I witnessed somebody that I love die in an accident, I couldn't help but blame myself. I would sulk and I would tell myself "you did that you F-cking monster" but everybody for some reason just told me "stuff happens man".
I couldn't live with myself and ever years later the images I saw are still not repressed yet and it kills me.

I want it all to go away and it all feels like a bad dream, and I can't shake this feeling that I can't take things anymore but all I can do sit tall and smile.

I am drowning but why is it that every time I repress the memories at last and put those bad thoughts to rest my dead best friend comes back to say hi?

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