Narcissy faded...

Leaving that yesterday night behind....

-" I thought my heart only belonged to me, and I'm the only king sitting on his throne, but I felt betrayed by a beautiful disappointment that showed me you're the emperor of my heart, his cities and population " -

* * * * *

" Should I leave ? Should I wait a little bit more ? Why can't I even move away from her ? Why do I want her to hold my hand even tighter and rest in my arms ? "

These questions were the first thing that turned in Ilhan's head this morning as he was observing Hannah who was holding his hand and sleeping. He felt weird, probably because of all the weird things that happened between him and her, he never was able to console someone like he did yesterday night, he never hugged a girl that tight like he did yesterday, he never felt his heart racing like he did yesterday night. He never actually felt the huge urge to protect someone like he felt yesterday night. Yesterday night ....Was it a good night ? Or a bad one ? Is he allowed to feel this way ? Is he allowed to do the things he did in that " yesterday night" ?

He moved his hand slowly toward her hair and caressed it, he moved it aside to see the sleepy angelic face, but then when Hannah start reacting, he moved his hand away, but it was not the only hand, the other one she was holding too. He stand up, and decided to do the same thing he does everytime. Running away....

He closed the door behind him and walked in the dark streets because the sun didn't completely raise yet, wearing his black clothes again, dark and dangerous expression again, leaving the good side of him behind....in that yesterday night that probably won't ever occur again.....

* * * * *

The sun rises sneaked to the living room and landed on my closed eyes which were the reason that woke me up from my deep sleep. Actually I didn't want to wake up yet, I was still tried and sad. Yesterday night was so scary and terrible, and I wish I won't ever live it again.

I stand up and went to the kitchen because I heard noises, I think my mom is cooking breakfast, which is true. I sneaked quietly to the kitchen and wrapped my arms around her neck. She gasped at the beginning but then smiled and wished me a good morning.

" Good morning my daughter "

" Good morning mommy " I said as I moved beside to help her with the breakfast.

" How are you feeling now ? Are you okay ? "

" Yes I'm alright don't worry about me"

I looked around because I wanted to know where Ilhan was...

" If you're looking for Ilhan he's not here " My mom said, she seemed so focused in her work, how did she know I was looking for Ilhan ?

" Where did he go ? "

" I think he left early in the morning "

" Oh I see " I felt a little bit disappointed, it's like I was empty inside and all the fear I was feeling yesterday came back again to raise my heart beats, I think Ilhan was the only one to make me feel secure, he stood beside me all night, I even remember holding his hand while sleeping, and I can't forget how he hugged me so tight when I was so scared and was crying. I never knew he will be able to console someone in such a warm way, did I misunderstood him from the beginning ? Is he a good person ? Can I trust him like I did yesterday ? Gosh I'm so confused, my feelings are messed up, I just want to see him and thank him for all the things he did for me again. I just want to be in his warm and secure hug again. No Hannah what are you saying ? Snap out of it ! He is still the bad boy you met the first time and I don't think he's gonna change because he saved you yesterday.