little blue flowers

a hummingbird and her wings

Sometimes in the dark
Under inky stars
I still think of you
Awash in her perfume
Stumbling along a tightrope of something
You can't quite call love.

Have you fallen yet?

Sometimes in the dark
Under cold blankets
I still dream of you
A boy who sang little lullabies
To hummingbirds he thought were
Amazing because their wings beat
70 times per second.

Is it still amazing?

Do you still dream in color?
Or has she taken that away from you too.

Sometimes in the dark
I can still feel her hands tightening
On my throat
Just a girl fighting for a little extra space
Space she though I'd taken from her
She had tears in her brown eyes
Even though I was the one hurting
Can you hear it?
My voice bounding towards you
Arms wide open
And then-
Dreamlike-
She takes it away.

Sometimes
In this dark
I can still hear the words I Love You
I can still imagine your hands
Pounding on that piano like it owes you
More than just music
I can still feel the last time you kissed me
The hot rush of breath
Teeth clashing
It wasn't perfect by any means
But I loved it all the same
You took my lyrics and made them
Worth singing for.

And now-
I'm singing for myself.

But sometimes in the dark
I lose touch
And your melody becomes a reality
I can't make mine.

I pray she hasn't broken the notes
Into some unrecognizable cacophony
I pray the music stays long enough
To find itself in lullabies and I Love Yous
I pray in the dark
That you find a woman with everything
You ever dreamed of
And that this girl-
This dreamlike brown-eyed fuck up-
Can sense that you were never hers
And that I never had you to begin with.

Love is funny like that, I guess.