Jump ➸ c.h.

vii

calum

"for me?" i asked in disbelief.

"just for you. here, i think it'll be perfect for your voice specifically." charlie handed me a sheet of paper. her fingertips brushed against my hand, making goosebumps rise under the sleeves of my sweater.

i could feel my mood brighten, charlie had actually taken the time to write me a song. my heart was beating rapidly in my chest as i read the words on the sheet of paper i held. the words that charlie had written for me. i felt like the luckiest boy in the world.

two weeks ago, charlie slept over my house. that was the best night i've ever had in my entire life. charlie made me so happy, and i don't think she realizes just how happy she made me. nor do i think she knows just how much i like her. it's more than like, but less than love. i wasn't exactly sure what love felt like, but i had a feeling that i would know what it feels like when i felt it.

"c'mon, you can sing it for me right now." charlie patted my couch cushion, signaling for me to sit down next to her. i followed her orders, and plopped myself down next to her, our knees touching.

charlie's blue eyes watched me. i loved her eyes, they were the prettiest blue i had ever seen. i could stare into her eyes all day and never get bored, i was infatuated with them. i was infatuated with her.

charlie tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear, making me smile. she always did that, and i loved it. it was a little habit of hers, a cute one. a very cute habit. i don't think i have any cute habits, but i do know that i have a habit of thinking about charlie.

i cleared my throat, looking at the paper, "there's a ghost in my bedroom it haunts me at night, i've asked him to leave but he keeps stopping by."

as i sang, i continuesly glanced up at charlie, and saw that her face was lit up, she watched me in awe. her stare was egging me on, so i started getting even more into the song, closing my eyes as i sang the chorus.

"calum, your voice is amazing, i could listen to it all day." charlie commented after i finished the song.

"thanks." i felt myself blush.

charlie laid her hand on my knee, using her thumb to rub my leg. the feeling it gave me was something i could never describe in a million years. it wasn't just a feeling of comfort or love, it was something more, something much more.

"calum, please stay strong." charlie whispered, staring at me seriously, her thumb still working on my leg.

i bit my lip, not sure how to respond. she brought this up so suddenly, it had honestly surprised me. in all honesty, i didn't know why charlie cared for me so much. i'm not being unappreciative, - hell, what charlie has done for me is more than i would have ever dreamed of - i just didn't understand her motive for taking care of me all of a sudden. she had met me on a roof, a complete stranger, and continuesly acted kindly towards me.

i frowned, i bet she was just going to get me back to a healthy state of mind, then leave me. that's what everyone has done, they've left me. not physically, but emotionally. they all left me in the dirt, but before they left, they kicked me around, left me helpless. they left me helpless in the middle of the wilderness.

"did you hear me?" charlie asked, bringing me out of my thoughts.

i nodded, and charlie took her hand off of my knee, then grabbed my hand. she dragged it to her lap, and gripped it tightly.

"calum, listen to me," she begged, i made eye contact with her, and instantly felt my mood lighten at the sight of her beautiful eyes. "stay strong, please, for me. if you ever need help, you know i'm just a text or phone call away."

i nodded again, "yeah, i know."

"good, and don't ever forget it."

"i won't, promise."

"you better keep that promise."

-

i took another sip from the cup, a burning sensation once again running down my throat. i shut my eyes tightly, tears rolling down my cheeks.

i had promised charlie that i wouldn't cut again, so i needed a way to get my pain out. alcohol seemed to be the way to go, and if it didn't work, then i would have to find a way to get drugs. although i wasn't sure if drugs would work, i would still try it. but for now, alcohol seemed to be doing the trick. i had been using it for a week now, four days (including now) out of seven i've used it.

the hangovers were a living hell, but they definitely kept my mind off of my mental pain, and focused on my physical pain.

i looked over the edge of my balcony, watching cars drive down streets of the busy city. i took the glass i was holding in my hands and swished the small amount of clear liquid that was inside of it around. i let out a long sigh, then downed the rest of what was in the glass. i gripped the glass tightly as the liquid scorched my throat.

"fuck, why am i such a mess?" i whispered, rubbing one of my eyes, trying to help get rid of my blurred vision.

i stumbled back into my house, making my way to the couch. as i sat down, the glass i was holding slipped out of my hands, falling on the carpet. luckily, it didn't break. i couldn't help but compare that glass to my life.

it was fragile, very fragile, and anyone could see that. it was clear, you could see straight through it, you knew exactly what was inside. and if you dropped it, it might break, it might not, which one will happen? you'll never know, not until you try it out at least. and for myself, some people have dropped me carelessly, dropped my mental state, and made my physical state droop with exhaustion. and one day, i will break. i will shatter into a million pieces, and no one will ever be able to fix me.

shaking my head, i stood up, a sudden dizziness engulfing me. i unsteadily made my way to the bedroom. i opened the door, the scent of paint filling my nose. i loved the scent of paint, it comforted me. it was the one thing i absolutely loved with all my heart. i would say that about charlie, but i don't love her, not yet.

i walked over to my easel, a half-finished painting on the canvas. i picked up a plate that had dried up colors on it. my hands had somehow found the green paint bottle and squirted some of it onto the plate before my brain could register that i had.

i picked up a paintbrush that laid in green-colored water that was contained in a cup. i dried it off the best i could, then dipped the tip into the dark green paint. i took my brush, and carefully started filling in my sketched-outline. it didn't help that my vision was blurred and i was dizzy, but i couldn't help myself, i knew that sleep wasn't an option.

"c'mon calum, don't fuck it up." i whispered, sticking my tongue out as i concentrated on working my paintbrush against the rough canvas.

*

idek if im writing this well enough omg

i love making calum chapters because he's always so thoughtful and deep-thinking

i hope you guys liked this chapter!

im kinda skipping around with the dates a bit in the story, like going by 1-3 week intervals and stuff. just know, that in those 1-3 weeks, charlie and calum hang out quite a lot. i'm going to be moving their relationship further, and i can't show every single small thing they do together, so i'm telling you they hang out inbetween so that you guys don't go, "omgz this is moving too quickly1!1!"

ilyasm THANK YOU for 2k you're all my babes okay