thoughts & stuff

🥀 tears

what causes my tears is a bit different than usual.

it's not always the sad lyrics that hit me,
but me having to quote them for the current feeling i'm having.

it's not the panic attacks but what causes them.

it's not saying i'm fine but having to because you don't know how to explain what i'm feeling

it's not losing the friends all the time but sometimes the reason they left.

it's not, not being able to sleep at 3am but being too scared to because i'll have the nightmare again.

it's not saying i saying i love you but knowing i won't be able to one day.

it's not someone asking me if i'm okay it's how i'm feeling when they ask and how i don't know how to say i'm not without crying.

it's not poems but more how much i relate. a deep poem could hurt but not make me cry but a poem saying "stop thinking, get out of my head, i can't do this" over and over again 50 times will make me cry.

it's not the friend who left me on seen when i was crying asking for them to listen, but more how, they didn't give one single fuck to even try to stop me from doing something stupid.