✖️ i have burst of confidence.
burst of happiness
burst of jealousy
and burst of depression.
but my depression will show up at my happiness of moments.
i could be on the phone with a friend
playing a game
watching youtube
enjoying myself and life.
then i'll be alone for less than a minute and the dark thoughts surround me. and then the anxiety attacks start. the walls close in. my chest gives in. my lungs are closing up. and i can't breathe. i become unaware of my surroundings and it's all just such a dark blur. i start crying and screaming. but it's the type of screaming where you're yelling and nothings coming out of your mouth. but see what i hate with a passion is my mind of mine. telling me things i definitely know aren't true.
"your friends hate you"
"she doesn't truly love you"
"the ones you're becoming close to are going to leave"
and for once i would like it if my stupid mind of mine would shut up and let me enjoy being happy. i miss my old happy self. because i haven't been truly truly happy in a while. yes i have my good day where i'm happy. but that's just the mood of the moment. i want to be okay.
because i'm certainly not.
✖️✖️✖️✖️✖️✖️✖️✖️✖️✖️✖️✖️✖️✖️
-ur local gay.
