A life written to you. Ushijima x writer! Reader

A sacrifice held to me

Ushijima started to frequently visit me at lunch, predominantly while Yoshiro was at her club activities. Ushijima said that her squealing hurt his head and he couldn't focus when he returned to volleyball. 

Even though the moments with him weren't a secret, I felt as if the stolen moments with him were forbidden and I kept them to myself. I treasured them, as if they were a precious memory from my childhood.

Ushijima would often just listen to me babble about how my assignments were to create a character based off someone we found inspirational and create a story with them and guess their actions in said scenarios. Even though it was casual chatter, I feel as if he was listening intently every time I spoke. 

About a term into my university life, Yoshiro said something that left me dumbfounded.

"I think I might ask Ushijima out. What do you think (First name)? Do you think he'll say yes and we'll go on lot's of dates?"

I try to contain my frown and sadness by simply nodding and eating my food. 

"What's wrong (First name)? Ah, you're eating. Is there anyone you like? I'm so glad that we don't like the same person, if we did, I don't think we'd be able to be friends, we'd fight too much."

I almost choke. Akiko had become one of my best friends. To lose her would pain me greatly, but I can't just stop my feelings for Ushijima.

"Will... Will you come with me (First name)? To, you know."

Oh, if only she knew how she hurt me. I nod, yes, I'll go with her.
  

We arrive at the gym all-too-soon. She takes a breath before opening the doors and walking in. 

Ushijima is there alone. She walks to him quickly, grabbing his attention.

"Ushijima Wakatoshi, I've only personally known you a term -10 weeks - but, I have been following your progress for almost a year and I have decided that I, I love you. Ushijima, no Wakatoshi, please be my boyfriend?"

Ushijima stares at her for a couple of moments before he looks to me. I look away immediately. He goes back to her.

"No thank you. And stop calling me Wakatoshi, we aren't friends."

I forgot about his cold tone and harsh choice of words. They too, once influenced my emotions. He doesn't even realise. Akiko, her bubbly facade shatters and she starts crying. I look to her, she needs comfort. I know she needs it from Ushijima, but I don't want him to give it to her. It's selfish of me, but I can't bring myself to get over him. Akiko runs away. I know exactly where she's going. I'll catch up with her.

"I didn't realise she would cry."

"Ushijima, you really don't understand girls, do you?"

"She used my first name as a familiarity to me, because she liked me?"

"I guess, close friends use it too, even if they are girls."

"Would you call me Wakatoshi?"

I flush a little at his words. Is he asking because we're close friends, or because he knows I like him?

"Sure, Toshi. I have to go catch up with her."

I run off before I can feel the embarrassment of what I just said. 

I find Akiko in the normal place. The flower club, a club so like her. She's stopped crying and she's just sniffling now.

"When I asked you who you liked, you didn't answer me. It's him, isn't it?"

I simply stood, ashamed, not of my feelings, at the fact that I was found out.

"How long? How long have you liked him?" 

Her voice was barely a whisper.

"Probably since my first year of high school, I met him personally last year."

"Why? Why didn't you say anything? Why didn't you tell me you like him? Do you just like suffering in silence?"

"I didn't want to ruin our friendship."

I realise that it was a bigger mistake now. I slowly walk away from the room, slowly away from a girl who was one of my closest friends. Aside from the shatter of our friendship, I feel sort of relieved. I feel guilty for having thoughts such as positive thoughts that Ushijima rejected her. Am I a bad person? I need to talk to Eita.

I give him a call. He answers after the second ring.

"Eita, I need you."

"Meet me at the park in 20."

Eita was there in 15 minutes. Trust Eita to be early to everything, especially if I need him. 

I explain everything to him and he slowly pulls me into a hug. 

"You aren't a bad person (First name). You're only human and love makes you do and think strange things. Plus, this Akiko girl will come around, especially if she was your close friend."

"What did I ever do to deserve you? You're the best, please never leave me."

Eita simply chuckles at my antics. As I look up from Eita, I see oliver hair and olive completion with extreme high run past. Ushijima. He must have saw everything. 

Wait, what if he misunderstood? By the time I got up to go after him, he was gone. I'll have to speak to him tomorrow.