Like No Other

AUGUST 16, 2010

August 16, 2010
Daily Sagittarius Horoscope
Your passion is one of your best assets besides
your thirst for knowledge and adventure.
Do not use ur best traits against others. It doesn't
speak well towards your character.

She touched the back of her neck and sat back against her leather seats, deflated. Don't be stupid, Emma. You've waited too long as it is. Just go in, do what you need to do, and get back to work. She was familiar enough with the process to know that if she was going to make that move she had to make it now... and that move seemed like the only sensible decision.

So why was she having such trouble getting out of the car and going into walmart and doing what she had to do?

She touched her stomach again for the zillionth time in three business days.

She wanted to be pregnant.

She looked at her eyes in the rearview mirror and squinted at the sunken, slightly brown bags under her eyes. Red they were, which always made her eyes seem brighter. Today their brown showed through.

Emma had to fess up to what was taking her so long to just get a morning after pill when the good Lord knew she needed one. She was not a person readily prepared to be raising a child. She was nowhere near ready to love someone else with all of her heart. Hell, she had problems settling into monogamous relationships and that in itself should have testified to the fact that Emma was not ready for a child.

And he'd probably only done it because he was angry at her. No Trey was for sure angry at her and it was definitely just a mistake of passion, like killing your husband because you found him in bed with someone else. Trey would shoot himself in the face if that moment really resulted in a child. She knew he would.

But even as she thought about all the cons of having a child, all the reasons why she herself was not ready to take the plunge, Emma knew that getting out of the car and getting that pill would be the saddest thing she'd ever done. She wouldn't go back to work, as she was on her lunch break that Thursday. She would go home, pop her pill, and sit in solace, waiting for medicine to eat away at her baby.

Emma when are you ever going to get pregnant again? When is someone ever going to want to nut in a train wreck like you?

But Trey doesn't even love you. He hates you now as it happens.

The first time you didn't have a say in whether not you got to keep your beautiful baby. All you do, she thought to herself, biting her lip and feeling fresh moisture in her eyes, is sit and wonder about that kid. Now you finally have the chance to have someone and you're passing it up because of some extenuating circumstances?

Don't be stupid, you're young. And there's probably plenty of men that would be willing to try you out for marriage and children and a lifelong commitment... and as soon as they finished serving their sentence they'll be all over you. But a man like Trey, na baby you don't deserve his kids. Don't be stupid, Emma.

She swiped under her eyes, sure that Trey and her would never have anything more than what they had especially now that she had fucked it up so. Emma felt like a fool. He'd said he wasn't mad and he didn't hate her and she was still trying to hold on to what they had before instead of push forward to something new. She couldn't help it, she reasoned. Emma was so sure that Trey would deny any feeling in himself for her once he got to know the kind of person she really was. She was trying to beat him to the punch before he hurt her feelings and it'd backfired. He didn't feel that way at all. What an idiot she'd made herself out to be.

Emma wondered why she was so bad at human relationships. Angie had been a puppeteer for her more than a friend. Anika had been a sexual interest rather than a roommate. Her grandmother hated her guts. Her mother loved the dick more than she loved her kids. Her dad was literally never there with the new family he'd made for himself being more important. Usually being the product of a home where there wasn't much love passed around would have made the kids closer but it'd done the exact opposite for Emma and her sister. Instead they drew to themselves with different interests and likes.