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London is rapidly approaching. Three more shows. Paris. Brussels. Dublin. I'm nervous to see my brother. My dad. Will they realize who I am? Will they tell my mum? I'm scared. Scared of confrontation. Scared that they'll never want to talk to me again. Scared that they'll abandon me. Think I'm a monster. Think I'm an arrogant twat. What if they don't approve of Shawn? They hate him? Want him gone? It's all too much for me. My breathing accelerates and I begin to sweat profusely. I fan myself trying to stop myself from having a panic attack.

Someone places a hand on my shoulder, but at this point I really don't care who it is. I turn around grabbing their legs. My nostrils fill with a familiar scent; Shawn. I nestle my head into his knees as he kneels down. "Don't let go" I mumble to him as he sighs, "you're getting my knees wet" he lightly giggles making me look up to him, glaring. He sits down as I rest my head onto his lap. His hands reach for my hair as he begins to twist strands around his fingers. "Do you want to talk about it" he whispers as my eyes avert from the red wine coloured roses I was inspecting. I glance to him as I look directly down to the floor. "Not particularly" I sigh. "Are you ok?" He questions as I slightly roll my eyes, "obviously not, numbskull" I see him smile out the corner of my eye, his smile slowly fading away later into a blank facial expression.

It's been about two hours. I'd been laid on top of Shawn for the whole duration of the time. I looked up to him. "Shawn" I murmur, "I want to talk about it now" I broke the silence as he looks down to me, "only if you want to" he watches me sit up, crossing my legs like a first school assembly on the cold hard floor on a Friday morning. "I'm not going to hide anything from you" I was going to tell him the truth... well not all of it, but certainly most of it. Although this could ruin the relationship, it would help me to be able to vent to someone.

I told him how I had moved out and I lived in Manchester which was a slight lie, but he'll live with it. I explained how I hadn't seen my dad and brother in a while. How they were coming to the show. How I was hesitant about what they would think of me having a world famous fiancé and being a singer. I had briefly mentioned that my mother was not a part of my life. He didn't question it thankfully. 

Despite the fact Shawn had all of the incorrect information about my childhood, I had forced myself to lie to him. I had lied to him more than I had ever lied to anyone before. Obviously I felt awful, but, I would much rather have him believe a complete false account of my life and not question it, than know the truth and ask questions. Because, at this point in my life, I do not need any conspiracy theories on me. I do not need Shane Dawson dedicating me a video on his YouTube channel. However, as much as an honour it would be, I need a positive impact on the music industry, on my fans, on the people who work with me. I don't want to turn into Lindsay Lohan or go through a Britney Spears meltdown and shave my head. Seemingly, it would be amusing to watch from the offset, but it would ruin my reputation. I had already achieved great things. Number one on billboard with 'Dangerous Woman'- which by the way was so surprising. I was one of the music industry's "top female artists" at the minute, alongside Dua Lipa, Ariana Grande, Selena Gomez and Camila Cabello, a massive honour. I was nominated at the American Music Awards for "New Artist Of The Year". Also by attending the AMA's I would see my favourite group. BTS. I would also see other amazing people like all of original One Direction, and to throw that away would actually be so ridiculously dumb on my behalf.

I smiled at Shawn as he passes me a cup of hot chocolate with whipped cream, sprinkles, marshmallows and a bowl of strawberries and cream. I think he's trying to get me fat on cream. "I think I'll be creamed out after I finish this" I giggle as he sits on a chair next to me on the balcony, watching over on the illuminated Eiffel Tower. "I really love you" Shawn breaks a comfortable silence between us both as I look over to him, "I love you too, an unbelievable amount" he smiles as he shuffles his chair closer to me, draping his arm over my shoulder, kissing my cheek. We sit in a comfortable silence. The stars are out. It's perfect. "You know, today would have been the day I asked you to marry me" Shawn mumbles, fiddling with the rings on my fingers. "Well you've already done that" I giggle looking over to him, "I think we should go out to a fancy restaurant and you propose to me to get free dessert" I laugh as Shawn's eyes light up, "can we actually?"

Shawn speaks to the man serving us as the waiter walks away smiling and nodding. We're at a quaint little table, the Eiffel Tower is to our right and fairy lights lit up the restaurant. It was really beautiful. "What was that about" I laugh as he winks at me, "you look beautiful by the way" he smiles as I blush, "why thank you kind sir" I wink at him. Shawn coughs, so this means our plan is in action. He reaches into his pocket, pulling out the case that was my rings box. We had placed the ring back in to make it seem more believable. Shawn gets on one knee, "I've loved you since the day I met you" I put my hands over my face, "oh my gosh" I gasp, "will you marry me, Rein" i fake cry as Shawn puts the ring on my finger, standing up and hugging me. A round of applause coming from tables around us. "Here's your dessert, it's on us. Congratulations" the waiter smiled to us putting down a massive chocolate browning, piped on "congratulations Shawn and Rein". I smiled to Shawn, winking,

"We should do this more often"

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