Chocolate Emergency

Eighteen Control

If I want to love and comfort the people around me, I have to learn to pick myself up first. A sinking ship can't possibly save another until it repairs its own torn sail.

          "I won't do it again," I wanted to sound strong but the words slipped out in a hesitant murmur.  "it was in the spur of the moment- things fell apart so fast- I didn't even know what I was doing-"

          "You don't need to explain," His hand found mine. My stomach churned in flustering manner- the gentle billowing of my heart thrummed inside my ear drums.

          With a hint of gentleness, his fingers wove in between mine- our hands fit like two lost reels of the same photographic film. 

          "It felt like I needed to,"

He stayed silent for a second- his eyes trained on the twisted path ahead of us. The once tight hold he had on my hand-lessened to an extent where I couldn't feel his fingers- they were merely there hanging from my pained flesh.

"Whatever you did," He spoke so detachably that it made my heart fall to the pit of my stomach. The caring warmth on his face dwindled into a chilling nihility.  "It was for your own sake. Who am I to question it?"

          Ice glazed my eyes. That shouldn't have hurt but it did. He had kissed me a couple minutes ago and now here he was denying everything between us. He was treating me like an absolute stranger. Taking a deep breath, I smiled- almost sourly as his words from the time he had saved me came haunting back- 'After all who am I to question what you did? It's your life. It's your choice to do whatever you want with it,'

 "You're right. What-," My voice was cut by a loud shriek.  My heart literally jumped out of my chest. Chocolate Fudge! His hand slid through my grasp. Then there was sound of tires skidding on gravel. What's going on?

          Devlin pressed the brakes, the car screeched to a stop. Horns were blown on the busy central park streets. A shiny, bright convertible with a girl in tight-black dressed holding a bottle of beer in hand shouted a bunch of curses and drove past us. If Devlin hadn't stopped the car on time- the girl would have definitely crashed into us.

          "Girls these days- always in a rush," He muttered under his breath, shaking his head. In an instant he had the Camry speeding away.  I liked how drove- not too fast, not too slow- just a notch above the speed limit.

 "And Boys these days don't mean a thing they say," I sighed.

          "What did I say now?" I wanted to laugh at his comical worried expression. His mouth was slightly ajar and his eyebrows were puckered. Under normal circumstance, I would have but right I couldn't do anything other than fret over things I could never control (his past and my heart). Why do we human beings always want to be the puppeteers and control our fates?  Was it because we're afraid of the unknown? You know the kid was never afraid of the dark- he was afraid of what hid inside it aka the unknown. 

"It's about what you didn't say," It's about the things you didn't ask me (if I liked you or not) It's about to the four letter you won't ever say. It's about why you haven't given our friendship or whatever it is a name. What are we Devlin? You haven't tried to ask me once.

I watched him meet my gaze. For a moment, I felt breathless staring into those golden hued eyes which were peppered with this intangible magic.

          He causally shrugged his shoulders. "I don't say a-lot of things I want to say,"

"Like?"

          His eyes left mine and he stared straight ahead. There was lesser traffic on this side of Winterville.  The crowd scattered away behind in the main central park area. A couple jogged on the road- neon earphones plugged into their yoga pants. An elderly woman walked with her granddaughter, laughing as they went. There was a mother speed walking with a stroller in which lay two adorable children. I loved the community in which Devlin lived.  The people here were really friendly. They're the type who would invite you for dinner without a reason and send you oatmeal cookies whenever they made some at their place.