Chocolate Emergency

Eighteen Control

Eighteen Control

"From the part why your father nearly got us killed," I huffed.

          Devlin cracked a smile- a small dimple made an appearance on his cheek. He shook his head ever so slightly, wisp of black hair danced across his pale forehead.

          "So," I dragged the word. The streets were packed with cars and yellow-black taxis. Buildings- lighted brightly in the dim night whirled into a distant blur. We were headed to towards his apartment- I could tell. Old, age-worn apartments, parks filled with utter vibrancy, street-food stalls came into view.

          "He wasn't gonna kill us, you know." Devlin slipped a finger under his collar and undid a few buttons; silver skin peeked through the shirt.  He loosened the blue tie hanging off his neck- as though it had been choking him few minutes ago.

          I rolled down the window, letting in the cool, autumn wind dry off the sweat sticking stubbornly to our skins.

          "Nah," I folded my arms across the dashboard and rested my head on it. Nothing other than a good-night sleep (and maybe him) seemed tempting right now. "Of course, he wasn't going to kill us. I mean we both know how much your father enjoys a good game of chase. Let's take a moment and ignore the fact that he had a freaking army of guard trying to haul us,"

          Devlin chuckled, glancing in my direction before turning his attention to the road, swerving though the traffic smoothly as though he was running a knife down a chunk of butter.

          "Don't mock so much, love," He said in between laughs. Love, my heart melted into a pool of chocolate and seeped into my toes and the tips of fingers.

          "I haven't even started," I replied, lightly.

"Honestly, dad, well- he was just trying to scare us. He would never hurt you or me,"

          "Really?" I quirked an eyebrow. "Because from what it looked like I'm sure he wouldn't mind having me dead,"

          Devlin stiffened, his grip on the steering wheel became tighter- the veins in his hand skimmed above the papery skin. "Don't say that," He whispered, barely loud enough for me to hear.

          "Say what?" I asked, confused- leaning away from the dashboard.

          "Nothing, nothing at all," He breathed out. I don't know how to explain this but Devlin looked tensed, his brows were pulled together and his lips were drawn into a thin line.

"No, tell me,"

He shrugged his shoulders. "I dunno- I just don't like having you talk about your death... it's that..." He trailed off.

          It took me a moment to understand what he was implying. My suicide attempt- he was scared that I was going to try to kill myself. The fear humming in his warm brown eyes was almost palpable. Suddenly, I felt embarrassed for all that I had done. No-matter how hard I tried I could never get over the subtle grit of guilt grinding my aching bones.

Imagine what would have happened if my father and my sister who loved me more than anything found out about it. I cringed. They would be crushed-no doubt- Dad would blame it all on himself and Liza- she would become so frightened by the news. I could imagine seeing tears roll down her cheeks and her face lose its sunny, joyful light. That made my heart twist achingly inside me.

 I had acted out of cowardice-not wanting to face the bundle of worries life had served me. That's life for you- you have to stand up and face the storm head on. There is no place to hide from the harsh winds and cold reality. I will live my life. Not for my family for loves more than anything, not for my friends who listened to me when I was lost, not for Devlin who picked me up and helped me stand up again- I will live this life for myself because I matter as much as everyone else in my small world.