Beneath the Midnight Sky

Twenty Three

He sat up startled as the thunder radiated through his ears shaking the room. He was disoriented, not sure where he was, and that scared him even more. He jumped up out of the bed and realized he was not wearing his original clothes, but scrubs without socks. His hand was throbbing but he could not see what happened because it was wrapped in layers of bandages.

He opened the door and was quickly greeted by a female.

"Ah, Mr. Styles. I see you're finally awake. The doctor is expecting you. Come with me," She said guiding him down the hall.

"Where am I?" He asked looking around the building.

"Nightingale Hospital, dear. Do you not remember yesterday?"

Harry shook his head 'no.'

The nurse gave him a sympathetic smile as she escorted him into the doctor's office, shutting the door behind her.

"Have a seat," The doctor said not looking up from his papers. "I'm Dr. Barrett. How is your hand this morning?"

Harry tried to bend his fingers but let out a winch and shut his eyes tightly. Without replying, he shrugged.

"I see it still hurts. That was quite a punch to the mirror. I wonder what it did to you..." the doctor tried to make a light-hearted joke but Harry did not even twitch a smile. "Well, welcome to the crisis stabilization unit. I cannot hold you here more than 72 hours. Your goal of treatment here will be to rest, allow your medication to work, and attend 2 individual sessions and 1 group a day. If you give no trouble, you're allowed to leave."

"Why am I here?" Harry blurted out.

"You see Harry, I spoke to your Mother this morning and she painted quite the picture of your declining mental health. You've been self-harming since you were an adolescent around age 15. You've had previous suicide attempts. You were diagnosed with Bipolar II Disorder; have both depressive and manic episodes. You suffer from panic attacks...shall I go on?"

"Okay, this is nothing new to me. Why am I here?"

"Well, your Mother also shared you have not been dealing appropriately with stress lately. You've had a relapse in your self-harm often cutting and burning yourself. Upon examination last night, the intake coordinator found cuts on your thighs, stomach, and wrist. You have burn marks on your calves. As I already mentioned, you punched the mirror...and usually, self-harm is not an attempt to commit suicide but merely cope with the day to day. For that, I can only hold you 72 hours and hope you'll do follow-up care. I would like to know what has been bothering you. The guards said you ran frantic to another patient on a different wings room before you had to be tranquilized....." The doctor raised an eyebrow.

"Do you know what it's like to watch someone you care about so much waste away and there's absolutely nothing you can do about it?" Harry asked challenging the doctor. "I hope you never do because it hurts like hell. You lay in bed feeling helpless and sorry for yourself. Your mind races when your phone gets a notification because you think you're going to get bad news. You try to make them eat but they refuse. You try to make them happy but it never last. You'd be stressed out too!"

"So your self-harming behaviors are a result of feeling helpless. You get to control how little, how big, how shallow, how deep the cut is..." Dr. Barrett pointed out. "Just as Mr. Tomlinson uses his eating disorder to keep control as well. Perhaps he felt helpless too. Maybe you both were fighting a losing war. Do you consider your relationship healthy?"

Harry scoffed. "You don't even know me, or Louis for that matter. Our relationship is beautiful. When I am feeling numb, it makes me feel alive again."