Beneath the Midnight Sky

Fourteen

Authors Note: This chapter gives a lot of back story and explanation. :)
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With Louis snoring softly beside him, Harry wiggled himself out of his clutch and rose from the bed, stretching. He thought there was no way he could ever sleep as much as Louis.

Seeing the scattered Polaroids on the floor, he bent his knees to retrieve them. Though he wanted to put them down and never look at them again, he exited the room with them tightly in his hands.

He pulled out a kitchen chair and laid them it in chronological order. He traced the outline of Louis' disappearing figure in each one. It was noticeable at his hair, too, was thinning. His once radiant and glowing baby face was being replaced with careless exhaustion and dead cells.

"Damnit!" He yelled to himself as he punched for kitchen table. He moved his hand back and forth trying to stop the sting.

"Makes you feel helpless, doesn't it?" Zayn asked sitting down on the opposite end of Harry. "Most males want to be lean and muscular. Of course, Louis is not like most males." Zayn chuckled and Harry nodded. "But that's why we love him, I suppose."

"Tell me about his first rehab," Harry said still glancing at the photos.

Zayn rested his elbows on the table. He thought for a second before responding.
"Well, I noticed he was slowly getting thinner and thinner. I remember it like it was yesterday. All his black jeans were getting washed and so he put on a pair of red pants, ones he hadn't worn in ages. They used to make his curves so....well, I won't say." Zayn smirked at Harry when Harry flinched uncomfortably in his chair. "Anyway, he pulled them up and I couldn't help but want to pass out. You could've probably fit two of him in those pants. He had to hold them up until he got a belt on. Then he went over to the mirror and said he couldn't wear them because they made him look too big."

Zayn shook his head in disbelief and shuffled the photos until he found the one he was looking for.

"I vowed to be the one to cure him. I put all my time and effort into making sure he ate, he was okay. Sometimes he became annoyed and called me Mommy. I was so happy when he would eat. I didn't know he would go and throw it back up, no matter how much or how little he ate. One day, I came back from class and found Louis having a seizure in the bathroom." Zayn bit his bottom lip. Harry didn't make a sound, wanting to hear the rest of the story.

"The doctor said they were caused by a combination of dehydration, low blood sugar, and alcohol use. After the first one, he had four more that I know about anyway. It was Holiday and I decided to spend time with him so I could talk to his family about it. Of course as soon as his Mom saw him, I didn't have to say much." Zayn shook his head in disbelief.

"He was in rehab awhile. He was angry with me for telling his Mom about what he was doing at school but it was a risk I had to take. When he came back, he looked somewhat healthy. He could eat small things like salads, even a piece of toast every now and then. I pushed him into Creative Writing. I noticed he was starting to back slide. I thought he was cured but after phoning his therapist with my concerns, she told me relapse is common and even to be expected." Zayn looked at Harry who was drumming his fingers on the table, still listening to every word.

"I noticed old habits coming back. I couldn't go through it again, so I left. You'll have to excuse me for loving him, Harry. I've invested my entire college experience into taking care of him, never asking anything in return. Then, he met you and I saw his lifeless grey eyes suddenly having its speck of blue back; something I could never do. Only you." Zayn blinked as a tear fell from his eye.

"While gone, I saw his therapist a few times for my own issues and she told me I never was in love with him romantically, just in love with playing the hero and loving my best-friend. She's right. It just hurts that I feel helpless again. Nothing I do matters to him."

Harry allowed the air in his lungs to inflate his chest. He reflected in Zayns story intently. He tried to put himself in his position. He smiled when he realized the definition of a soulmate is someone who understands you from the inside out. He realized in this moment he lived a life parallel to Louis until their words collided not long ago.

"I understand mate. I think Niall can understand your position. I used to self-harm, a habit I started in high-school. Don't know why I did it. There wasn't nothing glamorous about it. It became an addiction shortly after. It wasn't until my Mom found my songbook that she knew. She invaded my privacy and read my lyrics. When I came home from school, she demanded I show her my thigh. I had to see a therapist and psychiatrist for years. In college, I was roommates with Niall. We were both in the music program. He was so carefree, still is. One night I got drunk and upset over something stupid and decided it was time to bring back up old habits. I reopened my old scars." Harry blinked trying to remember the story.

"I wasn't even trying to hide it. I was just in the bathroom cutting my leg like there's no tomorrow. Niall walks in and knocks the blade out of hand. We cried together. We do that a lot. He applied pressure for a long time. I fell asleep in the bathroom floor. When I woke up the next morning, he was still there. His head was resting on my thigh and there was a towel under it." Harry shrugged.

"I decided to get help again. I was taught mindfulness. It helped a lot. Niall suggested I cover my new scars with art so I wouldn't be able to see them and be tempted anymore. So I got a tattoo over all my scars. Point being, here we are. Louis and I completely and dramatically inside while you and Niall are caught in the crossfire."

"What about the other guy, Liam?" Zayn curiously asked.

"He and Niall were friends before college. I fit in with them luckily. We call him Daddy Payne sometimes because he provides logic and scientific reasoning to situations. He'll call you out on your shit if you're being irrational." Harry giggled. Zayn nodded.

"He isn't going to drink the protein shake..." Zayn thought out loud.

"If he doesn't?" Harry's eyes turned wide.

"His body is already feeble. It's weakened and not recovered from the last time. He's thinner now. If he doesn't get better real soon, he won't make it." Zayn and Harry both stared blankly ahead. Both swallowed hard.

Harry already knew this but when Zayn spoke it out loud, it became reality.

"So then why did you want to bring him here to his childhood home?" Harry questioned curious.

"We need to ask his Mom to pay for another rehab. We can't take the chance and wait. Trust me, I know you think you can help him and that you can love it away but you can't. I've tried that. It, or Ana, as he calls it, is holding him captive."

Harry nodded.

Zayn stood up from the table and walked over to Harry. He could see that Harry was at his breaking point. He could sense that his own demons were returning. He could see Harry eyeing the knife drawer.

He placed his hand on Harry's shoulder with empathy.

"We all have our battles. Yours is self-harm, Louis is starving himself, mine is..." Zayn decided he could trust Harry. "Recreational drugs. But, we can't give into them right now Harry. We have to stand strong for Louis. Between the four of us, we can band together and do this. We can help each-other and take care of him. We can't make the mistake of not taking care of ourselves though. We'll lose ourselves."

"I'm going to check on him." Harry said as he stood up from the table. Zayn smiled as he felt at peace for the first time in awhile. He knew that maybe, just maybe, Louis was safe with someone else.

He crept in the room quietly and placed his lips inches from Louis to make sure he was still breathing: he was. He crawled back in bed with him, his own brain needing to rest from all the information Zayn shared. He pulled Louis tightly in his arms and stroked his back gently. He traced the outline of Louis spinal bones and allowed tears to flow. He could feel his curls sticking to his forehead from the eye rain but he didn't care.

Louis unconsciously nested his head under Harry' chin and smiled. Harry loved the feeling that even when sleeping, Louis could feel his presence.

"I won't leave you this time, Lou. You'll get better." He whispered softly in his ear before closing his eyes.

Authors Note: No idea what I'm doing with this LoL Don't hate me! <3 💚💙