Beneath the Midnight Sky

Twenty

Trigger Warning: Themes of Sexual Abuse and Anorexia. Please proceed with caution.

Week 4 – Day 30/90

Louis sat in the corner of a small room waiting on his turn for weigh in. He always dreaded this day of the week and even though he only had three previous experiences, they felt like enough to traumatize him.

"Okay Mr. Tomlinson, your turn," Nurse Golding said giving him a sympathetic smile. She held her clipboard against her chest. She observed as Louis took off all his clothing, including his socks. She started to scribble his behaviors before glancing down at the digital scale.

"113 lbs., 5'8, male. This puts your BMI at 17.2 You've been here for 4 weeks. We've configured you to gain about 2 pounds a week at-least because some of that will be water weight. You've been here four weeks now.... You should weigh about 118 lbs." She explained. "I need to check your room, okay?"

Louis fiddled with his hands anxiously.

"I gained another pound?" He asked disgusted ignoring everything she just explained to him.

"Come on, let's check your room," She said guiding him down the corridor. "Just telling you now, if we find anything, you'll have a feeding tube down your nose. Your body mass index qualifies you to get it medically cleared."

Louis gulped at the thought. They threatened to do that to him the first time he attempted to get better but he could gain control and eat on his own.

Nurse Golding checked in the bathroom, under the mattress, in his closet, under the bed, and along the curtained windows but came up empty. Louis sighed in relief. He knew he wasn't hiding any food but the paranoia still washed over him.

Retrieving gloves from the small box outside the nurse station, she reentered the room and raised up the toilet seat. She clicked her tongue in a pop motion before looking at Louis disappointed.

"I've been here awhile. I've seen all the tricks. You're making yourself sick, aren't you? You know it's against the rules. How many times a day?" She asked. "If you lie, and trust me, I have a sixth sense, you'll get the feeding tube today." She warned.

"Sometimes lunch if I can get away from it.... dinner almost every night...." He confessed nervously, too afraid to tell a lie. "I guess being the only male at this facility has its perks like no roommate and your own private bathroom...."

Nurse Golding removed her gloves and began to scribble words on her clipboard. "Louis, I'm going to give it to you straight, okay? Your vitals are low, your electrolytes are out of balance...you've told me about the pain in your joints...I believe it's time to fight, don't you? You only get one body."

Louis stood with his head hung low, listening but not knowing what to say. Sensing his needs, she gently guided him out the door and into his therapist office filling her in.

Louis slumped down in the chair farthest away from his therapist. She crossed her legs, removing her glasses and placing them on her desk. She pinched her thumb and index finger to the bridge of her nose.

"How are you doing today, Louis?" She asked warmly.

"A little upset. I've gained three pounds...." He trailed off.

"I am sensing a lot disappointment in your voice. What were your intentions of coming here?"

"To get better..." He sighed in heavily. "I just was hoping it would be a little easier."

"I can't help you until you help me. I see you twice a week and you've hardly shared anything with me. You can sit in that chair until you're discharged, but if you don't open up, you won't be able to move forward mentally," His therapist informed him.