Beneath the Midnight Sky

Twenty Two

Louis POV

Fuck. I really do look like a corpse laying there. A sheet covers most of my body except a small hole around my heart. A tube is down my neck helping me breath. My chest is hooked up to various machines and a needle sticks out of my hand. I could not see until now how emaciated I had become. My eyes are sunk deep in my face and the hollows of my cheek seem like a crater.

I don't want to be in here anymore; too much blood. All the technical terms the doctors are using is giving me a headache, though I can feel no pain. I've never been on this side of the hospital ward before; never knew it existed. I've been confined to the same room since I got here. I tried to fight. I felt my walls beginning to open and my healing starting, but I guess it may be too late judging by the looks of me on that table.

Hey look at all these paintings, how beautiful. Harry was right when he said to take time and admire the scenery. He calls it mindfulness, but I call it just being.

What is in this room? Looks like some sort of recreational room with yoga mats, ping pong, and board games. Oh wow they have Scrabble. Harry sure does love that game.

"If he doesn't get a blood transfusion, he won't make it. Come on, son, fight!"

Is that doctor talking to me? Sure sounds loud in my ear.

This hallway is long. The waiting room looks packed. That makes me sad to think of all the families having to sit and find out if their loved ones made it or not. I couldn't imagine having to do that.

Oh wait.

That woman looks an awful lot like my Mother...and Lottie...and Fizzy...and...wait, I see a mop of curly locks. Emerald green eyes are looking right at me out the waiting room window but it's as if he sees through me.

I think I'll go in this waiting room.

"This is his second surgery, Mom. I'm worried about him. We've been on a plane for 6 hours and haven't heard anything," Lottie mumbles. Mom doesn't look at her but pulls her and Fizzy into her arms. Harry hasn't said anything, or moved, our stop staring out the window.

Harry can you not hear me? I'm so excited to see you. I haven't even heard your voice in seven weeks. Your suit looks so good on you. I wish I knew what the occasion was. Why are you ignoring me? Is it because my body is laying on the operation table? I don't understand it either. I'm in two places.

Where are you going, Harry? Oh the restroom. I think I'll follow you around. You seem exhausted. Your hair is frizzy and your beautiful eyelids are stained with dark circles. I've only seen you like this one other time, and you were not okay then.

What are you twirling in your hand? Is that a razor? Harry, you sort of promised me you wouldn't do that anymore. Technically, you promised to get help so we could get healthy together but it makes no difference because I am here in this hospital while you're free to keep feeding bad habits.

Love, why are you locking the bathroom stall and pulling your pants down? Why are you propping your foot on the toilet and pulling your skin taut?

Harry...please don't....

"Lou?"

You can hear me, love? Why are you crying? Can you feel me? I have my hand on your shoulder.

I've missed you so much, Haz. Please don't hurt yourself. It hurts me so much when you do. Drop the razor, okay?

"I'm losing my mind."

No you're not, Harry. It's really me. Please, just drop the razor.

That's it.

Come out of the stall, honey. You don't need to be alone right now. Harry, look at you, gorgeous. Why are you grimacing at yourself in the mirror? Do you not see what I see?