Beneath the Midnight Sky

Nine

The stars blanketed the midnight sky as Harry awoke suddenly. He rubbed his eyes and checked the time. To his dismay, it was early in the a.m and he couldn't go back to sleep. Feeling defeated, he gently rolled out of bed and walked to the restroom.

He turned the knob to the shower and allowed the temperature to become perfect. Undressing himself slowly, he stepped in; allowing the water to wash over him like a tidal wave. He paid attention mindfully to the beads of droplets on his neck. He knew he felt tense, and he knew it was because everything was moving too fast for him.

It was the beginning of the semester and he suddenly was responsible if someone lived or died (at least he felt so). He was in a committed relationship with someone he had just met weeks prior. He had shared the dark secret of his tattoos; something only one other person knew (and it took years to open up to Niall about it.)

The water trickled down his body as he begged for his soul to be cleansed. Yet, it was to no avail. He felt trapped and fragile in this moment. Snoring tenderly in the next room is someone he hardly knew but had so much attachment to already.

What if Louis couldn't overcome his eating disorder? What if he grows tired of me? What if something always stands in the way? What if I'm the reason he lost his friend?

The thoughts whirled in his mind like a hurricane. His breath became more rapid.

"You're walking in a meadow. You can feel the grass under your feet. It feels rough, but soft at the same time. It is a dewy morning. Your feet are becoming moistened by the humidity in the air. You see a lotus in the middle of the field. You bend down to pluck it and smell the aroma. Sweet flowers," Harry said out loud, trying to calm his anxiety and panic.

For the first time in years, it wasn't working.

Feeling his chest become tight, he had to remind himself it was just panic and he was not going to die. He quietly dried himself off and put back on his clothes. He soundlessly opened the door and walked over to the bed and admired the sleeping silhouette for a moment. He fought the urge to intertwine their lips in fear he would wake the sleeping boy. Instead, he settled with a kiss on the cheek.

"Goodbye my sweet creature." Harry whispered as he exited the room.

With his hands in his pockets, he walked down the long corridor and entered his own room. He fell carelessly on top of Niall making sure to wake up the blonde boy.

"NIALL!" Harry yelled.

"WHAT?" He asked startled. "Oh, hey Harry." He yawned.

"Can I have some advice?" He asked with puppy dog eyes.

"If you get off of me, I'll try," Niall replied trying to push Harry off of him.

"Sorry about that, Ni....I really like Louis," Harry sighed.

"Oh no" Niall blinked knowing exactly where this was going. "BUT?"

"But, his best-friend left him. He won't hardly eat. He has panic attacks."

"Yeah but Harry you do too..." Niall said confused.

"Let me finish, mate. I told him about my cutting. When I'm around him, I feel safe with the world but also completely insane. I feel as if I no longer have control over my heart." Harry stated. "And I know you may not want to hear this part, for it may be TMI (too much information) but we got really drunk at Ed's party and I tried to sleep with him...which was dumb because we haven't even been dating long..."

"SO..." Niall stated confused again.

"I don't think I'm good for him, Ni. He needs someone not so unstable. With his eating disorder, and everything, and my....well, what if we feed off each other? And like I said: I tried to sleep with him already. He's such a sensitive and sweet creature. He's pure-hearted, and I'm a little...dirty and tainted."

Niall sat up in the bed and placed his arm around Harry as he tried to find the right words. "I've known you for a long time Harry. You would bring a guy or a girl over just about every week. You'd be sweet to them, fill their head with little lies and dispose of them. There'd never be any dates or conversations.

Remember the time I caught you slicing your thigh open on your bed? We cried together. You have panic attacks, so what. He wouldn't sleep with you...so what....just because it didn't happen in that moment doesn't mean it won't. I'm sure it took a lot of willpower for the both of you not to.

We all have our demons, Harry. Nobody is perfect. Not you, not me, not Louis. I know what you're doing. You came here in hopes I would tell you that he isn't good for you and you should just move on because he is too much to handle.

But I've seen the way you look at him. He makes you a better person. He makes you slow down. He gives you that twinkle in your eye that cannot be faked. He looks at you like I pray someone would look at me every night. You have that once in a lifetime love, Harry. Don't sabotage yourself like you always do." Niall begged.

They stared at each other with tears streaming down their face.

"God, I love you." Harry said as he embraced his friend.

"I love you too, lad." Niall stated hugging Harry tight.

Letting go, Harry wiped his tears away. "I'm the luckiest man alive to have such a wonderful friend."

"Ditto." Niall said patting him on the back. "You're going to sabotage it, aren't you?"

"I think I just need time." Harry said as he got in his own bed. "Thanks for staying up with me." He rolled over. "Wait, you aren't going to leave me because you're in love with me are you...like Zayn did Louis?"

Niall felt himself suddenly cackling, unable to control the volume of his laugh. "That'll be the day, mate. Don't flatter yourself. You're stuck with me for life."

"Goodnight then, Ni."

"Night H."

****

The next morning, Louis woke up and realized Harry was gone. His face formed a smile as he thought about the night before and how they fell asleep cuddling. Yet that also made him wonder where he could be and why he didn't leave a note.

(iMessage) 9:03 a.m

Louis: Good morning

Louis: 💙

He waited patiently for reply bubbles but when they didn't appear, he concluded Harry was still sleeping.

(iMessage) 9:34 a.m
Louis: Hope you're having a good morning
Louis: Loved yesterday

(iMessage) 10:45 a.m
Louis: ....Harry
Louis: Did I do something wrong?

Sighing, he looked over the empty bed. He knew he could sure use Zayn about now.
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Authors Note: Hello loves. Sorry I haven't updated in awhile. I don't think anyone is reading this anyway but just in case, here it is!

Thoughts?