Destined

Chapter 13

  I spent the next few days in a haze. I attended meals, I visited Hannah, a few times I talked to Meg. But I found myself unable to concentrate on the present moment for more than a minute or two without slipping off into thought. I thought about the impending marriage, postponed for now to allow Hannah time to grieve. I thought about Hannah's relationship with Dean. I thought about the attempt on Hannah's life. I thought about Meg. But mostly I thought about Mother. So many times each day I found myself imagining her face smiling down at me, trying to gain comfort from it, like I used to. But there was nothing to be gained but sadness now. 

  A few days after Dean took me to the library, I was walking around the castle grounds, trying to clear my head, when I noticed Dean walking out of a door in the side of the castle, presumably on his way to the training field.

  "Dean!" I called out. I hadn't talked to Dean in a while and I missed him slightly. I knew he could help me deal with everything. Dean looked around at me and smiled slightly.

  "Hey Cas," he said as I walked over to him. "How are you doing?" he asked.

  "I'm fine. Where are you going?" I asked.

  "I was just going to the training field. I have a lot on my mind. You want to come?" Dean asked. I nodded and we started walking next to each other. Maybe this would help me stop thinking about Mother. I watched Dean as we walked, neither of us speaking. He looked tired. And... sad. It wasn't obvious at first, but the more I looked the more I could tell. Dean glanced over at me and my glance snapped back to the ground in front of me.

  "Are you okay? You look tired?" Dean asked. I looked back up at him. Why would Dean bother to ask me that when he seemed like he carried the weight of the world on his shoulders. That thought made me stop in my tracks. Since when did I know Dean well enough to tell that he was so upset? It wasn't plainly obvious, but... it was.

  "Cas?" I blinked, coming back to reality to see Dean watching me, his eyes filled with concern.

  "Oh! I, um, I'm fine. What about- what about you?" I asked. We started walking again, reaching the field before Dean spoke.

  "I'm fine," he said, grabbing a sword from the rack. I'd left my knives in my room, so I also picked a sword, trying to ignore how unnatural it felt.

  "Are you sure? You look... tired," I persisted. Dean gave me an odd look.

  "I just have a lot on my mind," he said. He clearly expected that to end the conversation, and it should have. But I just couldn't let it go.

  "Like what?" I asked. The look on Dean's face warned me that I was on very shaky ground with this line of questioning. That only made me more curious.

  "Like Adam. Dad put him in charge of the castle guard. He isn't ready," Dean said, turning away from me towards a training dummy, clearly signaling that this conversation was over whether I wanted it to be or not. I watched Dean as he swung his sword at the dummy, looking more like he was venting frustration than like he was training. I placed my sword back on the rack and started back towards the castle after one last glance at Dean, who didn't seem to care that I was leaving. I didn't need a distraction anymore. Dean had given me plenty to think about.

***

  Later that day, I knocked on Dean's door, not quite sure what possessed me to be there, besides maybe curiosity. Dean opened his door, and when he saw me standing there, he stepped to the side, inviting me in. I stepped inside and Dean closed the door behind me.

  "Do you need something?" Dean asked kindly.

  "I... Why don't you like Adam?" I asked. I cringed slightly as I heard the words leave my mouth. I hadn't planned on being so blunt. Dean's face darkened.

  "Why would you think that?" he asked. My wings fluttered slightly, betraying my nervousness.

  "You said you didn't think he was ready, while I have seen nothing to suggest that he isn't. Of course I am an outsider, which is why I am also taking into account the fact that every time he talks to you, you either ignore him or talk to him like he's beneath you. Adam is desperate for your approval, Dean, anyone could see it. Why are you so against giving it to him?" I had never felt afraid of Dean before but I found that confidence wavering as Dean stared at me, not speaking. My wings slowly shrank closer to me, but I didn't make any other move. I had asked my question, and I still wanted an answer, as foolish as my thinking may have been. Eventually Dean's face softened slightly.

  "Adam shouldn't be here," he said. Understanding washed over me suddenly.

  "It's because he's your half brother," I said. "You're angry your father married again." Dean didn't meet my eyes.

  "Dean..." I said softly,  putting my hand on his shoulder, hoping to comfort him. Dean looked at my hand, then back up at me. "You can't blame Adam for something he didn't do. It's not his fault. I know you miss your mother. Trust me, I understand that now. But Adam just wants you to accept him." Dean raised his hand from his side slightly, paused, then let it drop back down.

  "I know," he said. I waited for him to say more, but he didn't. He just turned and gestured to the chairs in front of his fire. My hand fell back to my side.

  "Do you want to stay for a little while? Maybe... just talk?" he asked. I smiled softly.

  "Of course."