Destined

Chapter 12

As soon as Hannah and I returned to the castle from our walk, Hannah went to go find Charlie, and I set about looking for Dean. It took me a while. I searched the castle for what felt like hours, trying to avoid thinking about my mother. Talking to Dean had helped, but... I still felt my mother's loss keenly, as I well should. A piece of me had been ripped away, and I felt it. I felt it like a gaping hole in my chest. But I'd told myself I wasn't going to think about Mother. I was clearly doing a stellar job.

I found Dean outside on the training field again. Although he looked more like he was upset and taking his anger out on a training dummy than actually training. I cleared my throat and Dean looked around at me, lowering his sword.

"Cas. You look... better," Dean said. I might have looked better, but Dean didn't. He looked like he hadn't slept even after he left my room last night, and his eyes held some sort of strange, soft sorrow that I didn't understand.

"Are you okay?" I asked before thinking. Dean certainly didn't want me prying into his business. But Dean simply gave me a small smile.

"I'm fine. Did you talk to Hannah?" Dean asked. I nodded.

"Yes. We both apologized. But she said she didn't send you to talk to me last night. Why did you, if not for her?" I asked. It still puzzled me why he would have done that. Dean watched me for a moment and I wondered what was going through his head.

"Do I have to have been sent? I... I was worried about you. I mean, you're going to be my brother," Dean said, practically spitting out the last part. I blinked in shock and my wings pulled in to my back tighter as Dean stabbed his sword into the ground.

"Dean..." I said, very unnerved by this. Dean ran his hand over his face.

"I'm sorry. I just..." Dean fell silent. We stood there for a moment, my eyes on Dean and his eyes not leaving the ground.

"I can show you the library now, if you'd like," Dean said suddenly. I was rather confused by the sudden change, but I was excited at the prospect of the Winchester castle library. I nodded, unable to stop the smile from breaking out across my face. Dean smiled too, and the two of us started back towards the castle.

***

"Impressed?"

"I..."

"Yeah, you're definitely impressed. Your jaw is practically on the floor."

The library was huge. I could only imagine the number of books in this room that I'd never read, and it seemed impossible that anyone could read them all, but I still wanted to try.

"There are so many of them," I said, looking around at Dean. Dean was smiling at me.

"You're welcome to any of them you want," he said, a warmth shining from his eyes that made me feel... safe. Which was odd, considering I wasn't in any sort of danger, but... I found myself unable to look away, simply holding Dean's gaze for a moment before Dean looked away, glancing around the library.

"Thank you, Dean. Really, this library is amazing," I told him. Dean looked back around at me.

"You aren't going to trade one room for another and shut yourself away in here, are you?" Dean asked. I watched him for a second, trying to decide if he was being serious or not. I couldn't tell.

"I don't think so," I said, unsure what else to say. I didn't want to make Dean uncomfortable, but I couldn't think of anything else to say. I was thrown off slightly by the reminder of my mother. We were both quiet for a moment, the silence slightly awkward.

"Have you known Lady Meg for very long?" I asked. Dean shifted his weight, some of the warmth leaving his eyes.

"Lady Meg has a complicated history with us," he said. I tilted my head.

"What do you mean?" I asked. Dean crossed his arms.

"I'll let her tell you that if she wants to. But I should go. I'll see you later," Dean said, walking past me and out of the library. I watched him go, slightly confused. As soon as I'd mentioned Meg, Dean's attitude had changed. He almost seemed... angry. Had Meg done something to him? I shook my head slightly, turning back to the library. It wasn't my place to speculate about other people's lives.

I quickly lost track of time in the library, only realizing how dark it was when Meg spoke from behind me.

"How long have you been here?" she asked. I stood up from the table I'd been sitting at and turned around to look at her.

"I'm not sure. Dean brought me here and I lost track of time," I said. Meg looked around the room.

"Oh, Dean's here? I didn't know he knew how to read," she said with a mocking smile. I blinked, shocked by her words.

"I..." Meg laughed.

"It's a joke, Clarence," she said, her brown eyes sparkling with mirth.

"My name is Castiel," I said. Meg was beautiful, there was no doubt about that, but she confused me almost every time she said something. Meg took a few steps towards me, smiling slyly.

"I like Clarence better." I waited for some sort of explanation, but Meg didn't say anything, so I turned and picked up the book I'd been reading.

"I should return to my room," I said, walking past Meg towards the door.

"I'll talk to you tomorrow, Clarence," Meg said, watching me go.

As I walked to my room in the silence of the castle, I allowed my mind to settle, deciding not to dwell on Meg. The day had felt like it had gone on forever, and I was exhausted. The closer I got to my room, the heavier my body and mind became. My head was filling with more and more thoughts of Mother, and I felt myself wishing for solitude again. I reached my door but paused with my hand on the handle. I was tempted to go visit Hannah, but... suddenly I felt my sadness settle back onto my shoulders, tears filling my eyes again. I blinked them away and quickly entered my room. No one could see me like this. I needed to be strong. For Hannah.

(So it's been a while... I'm really sorry it took me so long, I've been really busy this month and this just kept slipping through the cracks. Hopefully I'll be able to get back on track soon. Thank you for your patience. <3)