utopia | fillie

the eleventh step

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in which ~ we discover what happened to the shaking girl who lay upon the floor
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millie's p.o.v.

nothing is scarier than the feeling of having someone's life in your hands.  fear tortures your gut, causing ripples of cramps to somersault through your stomach.  the sharp, jagged breaths you take can't seem to fill your lungs and the cold sweat that glistens upon your palms causes shivers to travel up your spine. 

i have maddie's life in my hands,  and knowing how clumsy i am, i hope i don't drop it.       

-

my hands shake as i fumble through maddie's belongings, searching for the phone number that she demanded i call.

i can't seem to loose the image of maddie's trembling body on the floor.  how she looked up at me with her big eyes that were glazed with crippling fear.

i'm about to give up, when i spot the small piece of paper that peaks out from the pages of a large novel.  rushing over to her bedside table, i grasp hold of the scrap paper.  i blink my eyes clear and gaze down at the small slip.

grabbing hold of the phone, i dial the numbers carefully, hoping i'll be quick enough.  

one second...then two...then three... *click*

"hello?" a boys voice erupts from the other end of the line.

"hi, is this...uh-"  i glance down at the paper that reads 'jacob s'.   "is this jacob?"

"might i ask who is this?"

my voice cracks as i speak quickly.  "millie, millie brown.  i'm calling on behalf of maddie, she's had an accident and we were hoping you could give us a lift to the hospital..."

he clears his throat.   "what kind of-"

i cut him off speaking loud and clear.  "-it's an emergency jacob, please."

"i'm on my way."

"thank yo-"

*click*

  -

maddie's p.o.v.

the first thing the doctor said was "i'm so sorry".  i didn't understand.  what was he sorry about?  was he sorry that the ultrasound machine wasn't working correctly?  wasn't that the reason the baby hadn't seemed to be doing much of anything? but of course i did understand. i knew perfectly well. after he left the room, i called nick and repeated his words: i'm so sorry. the nurse brought in a cup of water and said sorry again to me as i sobbed and sobbed, and i apologized back for making so much noise.  we echoed, i'm sure, a chorus of voices throughout time saying the same thing for the same reasons. i'm so sorry, so so sorry. so many voices apologizing for something none of us have any reason to be sorry about. i'm looking right at you, god, you jerk. 

-

millie's p.o.v.

jacob helped me call the others, i couldn't bring myself to call anyone besides finn.

their slurred voices portrayed many emotions across the phone, alcohol flooding their minds heavily.

i sit in the hospital waiting room, my head pounding.  the familiar white walls bring back horrible memories.