The One Thing I Never Expected | Ryden | By Ericasaur on LiveJournal

Chapter Eighteen

            Over the course of the week that I was out of school, a lot happened. The first few days were fine, but then Ryan had to go back to school, and without him there I started to think too much about things that he was keeping me distracted from. I really, really tried to block out the things that happened to me from my thoughts, but it's like they were relentless, constantly reminding me that it did happen and I am screwed up.

            I don't feel like the same person anymore. I don't feel okay.

            Ryan came home one day to find me crying on the bathroom floor. I'd been there for hours, sobbing uncontrollably. I had turned on the news earlier that day to see that I was on it. They were talking about what happened.

            'Earlier this week, eighteen-year-old Chris Johnson was taken into police custody after the police received a call last Friday night from a teenager named Mikey Way, informing them that Johnson had raped a boy at his party. Seventeen-year-old Brendon Urie of Palo Verde High School, the students of which attended this party, was found by his boyfriend after he was heard screaming from the back of the house. Johnson hasn't gone to trial yet, but the police have concluded that there is enough evidence to put him away.'

            I felt completely vulnerable. Everyone knew now. They showed a picture of Chris and I felt like vomiting, which is why I ran to the bathroom. Nothing came up, and I was just dry heaving. I kept seeing the scene play over and over in my head and I couldn't make it stop. All I could see was his face. All I could feel was the way he held me down, his rough fingers digging into my side, bruising me. I sunk down to the floor and cried. I stayed like that until Ryan got there, and then he was rushing in, picking me up and leading me to the bed. He refused to leave my side the entire night. He laid there beside me, tangling his fingers in my hair and pressing sweet kisses to my neck.

            When I finally told him what happened, he was furious. He said it was a total invasion of privacy, not to mention completely heartless. But I understand. People need the news.

            Another night I had a nightmare. It was almost the same scene I'd been seeing in my head for days, except ten times worse. In my dream, Ryan didn't come find me. Nobody did. I woke up sweating and screaming, Ryan frantically trying to calm me down. I've been having that same nightmare almost every night.

            I can't believe Ryan hasn't gotten fed up with me yet. He's never complained, never told me I needed to move on, nothing like that. He just tells me that he loves me and it'll be okay. That's all, and I really, really love him for that. He's there for me every single time I need him, and even when I don't.

            This week, school is out for Thanksgiving. I've never really understood why they let us out for a whole week just for Thanksgiving, but it's not like I'm complaining. Today is Wednesday, and I'm dreading tomorrow. I really don't want my family to know about what happened, but now that it's on the news and everything, they could find out. I just don't want to have to deal with the thousand 'I'm so sorry's and my grandma crying her eyes out. It's hard enough for me already without them knowing.

            My mom took me to the movies last night, just me and her. It's been awhile since we've done anything, just the two of us. I was actually having a pretty good time until I ran into Katie from chemistry class. She actually started crying. She hugged me and told me she was sorry, and that she was also sorry for saying bad things about Ryan. She said she was just jealous because Ryan turned her down. I was kind of baffled by the whole occurrence, because it's not like Katie and I are friends. At all. I barely even know her. I couldn't care less what she says about me and Ryan behind our backs. But I guess now she feels guilty or whatever because something bad happened to me. Whatever. Fuck her.