After Story: Compassion

Chapter Thirty: Desired Effects

Ryou's hand trembled as she accepted the cup of water. "Th-Thank you."

"Are you okay?" the older twin asked; she had been holding her sister ever since Pastor Ashton had finished the 'exorcism'. "Do you hurt anywhere?"

"I'm...a little tired," the younger twin replied. "My muscles are kind of sore, too."

"I'll bet," Jeff said as he wrestled with his chopsticks. "You're stronger than you think."

"I'm...sorry if I hurt either of you," she said with a voice filled with regret.

"Don't worry about it," I said, laying a hand on her head. "Kyou and I can hold our own."

"It wasn't you, anyway," Jeff remarked. "Was it?"

Ryou's eyes lost focus. "It was, but it wasn't. I was aware of what my body was doing, but I didn't feel like I was in control...completely, that is."

"That's what I figured," he said just before downing an onigiri. "How long have you hated yourself, sweetheart?"

"I don't...really hate myself..." she said, then gently took her head as she wobbled in her seat. "I feel so light-headed."

"I've heard that that can happen after...this kind of thing..." he said awkwardly. "So how do you feel about yourself...or maybe a better question would be: What do you think of yourself?"

She looked from her sister's kind smile to me, then to the floor. "I'm what was left after Onee-chan was born."

"What do you mean?" I asked. "You make it sound like you think you're the leftovers or something."

She nodded slowly. "That's exactly it; Onee-chan got all the good stuff and I got the leftovers."

Kyou's face fell almost instantly and she held her sister even tighter. "Ryou...you don't really believe that, do you?"

Ryou raised an arm to interrupt the tears that otherwise fell to her lap. "You're so outgoing and pretty and everyone likes you and you can cook and you're so strong..."

"Hold on a minute," Jeff said, stopping her tirade with a hand. "You have value, too."

"No, I don't-"

"Wait, hear me out," he interrupted, and I briefly imagined her going ballistic again. "Your value – anyone's value – doesn't come from being strong or able to cook or anything like that."

"What do you mean?" she asked as she and Kyou both looked at him with teary eyes.

He smiled, and I could swear that a glow like sunlight came from him. "Oh, your value comes from something much greater, much more than just strength or skill...it comes from God."

Had I heard him say this any time before, I would have rejected it off-hand. But after what I had seen...

"He knew you before you were born," Jeff, now in 'Full-Pastor Mode', continued. "He loved you long before your parents conceived you, even before your parents themselves were conceived."

Ryou expression looked uncertain, but hopeful.

"When He created light, he knew and loved you. When Adam and Eve sinned, he knew and loved you. The flood, the exile...Ryou, He knew you and He loved you. Even when Japan went through all of its god-emperors He knew and loved you. Even now, with you thinking so little of yourself, He knows you and loves you."

"B-But why?" she stammered, "...wh-why does he love me?"

Pastor Ashton's smile turned softer than I had ever seen; he must have really been in his element. "Because that's what He is. If He stopped loving, He'd stop being God, Yahweh, Elohim..." he trailed off, looking at her like she was his own daughter; I thought I even saw a tear escape his eye. "And because I'm His and He loves you, I love you too, sweetheart."