Somewhere in Neverland

The last chance

"No.. No.. No.. It's not like that." Jack came after her and wrapped his arms around her. "You just need more time. Motherhood will come along. Don't stress yourself out."

"It's easy for you to say." Kirsten turned around to face him. "You don't understand the pain in-in my body, in my mind, in my heart. There's just.. There's pain coming in all over again!" Kirsten started to breathe heavier.

Jack held her hands again, this time, he placed it over the back of his neck. Even with Kirsten's struggled breathing and stuttering blabbers, he managed to snuck in a kiss. He held her face close to his and their noses are already touching.

"I ca-can't breathe." Kirsten whispered.

Jack tried to hush her and said, "Don't let the bad thoughts get over your head, honey. I'm here. I'm here. You'll be okay."

"No! I-I! It hurts! Aaaahhh!" Kirsten's knees fell to the floor like a wasted rag doll. She was holding on to her baby bump, trying to soothe the pain that's coming from within.

"Would it be this soon? Did I ever made a good decision in my life at all? That I have to suffer again and again and again and hurt Jack?" thoughts rain down in Kirsten's mind as she braces herself for the worst, again.

"Oh shit! Oh shit! Hold on! Hold on! " Jack scampered around, looking for the car keys that he was just holding on a while ago. Kirsten screamed out in pain as tears flow down, mixing with the sweat in her face.

She must have felt the same pain when she first lost her baby. It was like the stampede all over again. Even without the bruises, she felt pain all over her body, almost making her numb and secluded from reality. Her head spun around as Jack went back and forth.

Her weak knees gave no chance to recover as Jack finally held her up and carried her back to the car. Kirsten closed her eyes as sorrow crossed out her face.

"Kirsten? Sweetie!" Jack called out but the sounds were like stuck out from her little dizzy head. It sounded so distant even if Jack was beside her.

"Kirsten!" he called out again with a snap and a little shake in the arm.

Kirsten felt like she just woke up from a half-asleep state. The pain came back in an instant.

Jack handed over a bottle of water, "Stay awake."

She couldn't see how fast they were going. Everything in her sight were blurred from her tears and pain mixed up with fear, a couple of regrets and unanswered questions. The pain inside her makes time feels like an eternity.

------

For some people, days go by much longer if you're waiting for something, if you're unconsciously awake, or when you're in pain.

But when you want to forget, sometimes, time has no essence. Time is useless. Time cannot be felt. It would be nothing but something you just suffer from.

"Jack?" Alex called out gently.

He was awaken from his daydreaming from that call. He looked down and wasn't aware until then, that he was holding on to a bag.

"We're going now. You still have to brush your hair. Your black suit is waiting."

But despite the call to action, his feet couldn't even muster up the courage to stand up; more or less to go to the funeral.

Alex stayed there, waiting for him to show the slightest interest to stand up so he could help him.

Ever since that day, Jack started to live with all his thoughts locked inside his head. He never spoke about it. He never cried. It's as if he was still in shock after a couple of weeks has passed.

The idea of not being able to get back at destiny or at least show something to its face is killing him. There are no more chances for redemption; no more chances; no more options but to cut it all off.

"Kirsten is waiting for you. We all are."

He looked up at Alex with sad eyes; not just sad ones. His eyes were wasted, tired, and not showing any signs of hope to live. If he was suicidal, he could have been in there with her in that funeral.

"Jack?" he heard his name be called out again, but this time, it was different. It was called out with love and a hint of sadness. Her voice was soft, obviously tired out as well but she was holding on. She still has hope.
"Jack, we need to go now."

Alex stepped back slowly and let Kirsten take care of him. Jack looked at her, with all his vulnerabilities exposed. It's like he wasn't even functioning.

But Kirsten was his key. She holds the key that can make him work again.

Kirsten sat down beside him on the floor. She took their emergency bag away from him and wiped a tear at every turn.

"I'm in pain." he finally spoke out.

"Me too.. Me.. Too.." Kirsten answered back as she squeezed herself under his arm.

"Can we really do this?"

Kirsten didn't know what he was talking about. Was it moving on, accepting it, or believe that everything was real?

They sat there motionless and without sound for a couple of minutes before Jack asked out again, "Can I cry?"

"Of course, you can." she said as she let out a bitter smile and a steady stream of tears.

And with that, Jack started to pour out his suppressed feelings for weeks. He buried his head onto her neck. He cried without restraints. He sobbed and held on the her even more. Kirsten couldn't keep herself from crying too.

It was the last straw for them, even if they didn't want to.

Jack wept and almost screamed out his kept pain like a child. A child they will never have.

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