Crestfallen ↬ Carl Grimes (old version)

R E S T L E S S

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN; RESTLESS

"It seems to me,

that love could be labeled poison

and we'd drink it anyways."

"Ready when you are,"

➳

NORMAL POV

BEING IN PAIN AND HIDING IT BEHIND A SMILE IS THE EASIEST THING IN THE WORLD FOR ME TO DO. After all that I have been through, and the memories that still haunt me, this job is no harder than the last. No matter how much it shamed me to say it, I felt almost no trace of guilt towards the people I have deceived with my facade of lighthearted humor. It was painless to look at Carl and let the bubbling laughter spring from my lips, for it easily masked the solid lump in my throat from his assessing eyes. Or when I played with the little bundle of joy in my arms and held her small chubby fingers, her gurgling words did the job for me as others passed out of my sight quickly at the sight of the precious baby in my hands. Everywhere I went it was like putting up a new facade for others to believe and trust in, for nobody needed an extra burden in their hands and I for one was not going to be anything close to a burden.

For some, though, it was harder for me to hide from. For example, the hardest person for me not to break under would have to be Rick and his icy stare. Every time those icy blues cut across my face, matched with his tilted head and his hands placed on his hips, it sent a frozen numbness searing into my brain, making words billow out my mouth without a second thought. Carl, of course, seemed to always be attempting his father's look, and he was damn near close to accomplishing it, but nobody could scare off a person just by tilting his head like Rick does. Whether it be I was the one in trouble, or I was going to be told bad news, I would hate being the person on the other end of his glare, for I'm thankful enough now to be able to look into his eyes and see nothing more than worry and admiration.

"Everything okay over here Milah?"

Now, it seemed, I had thought about things too much. My brain was enveloped in on itself like some strange form of art as I tried my best to dig myself out of my thoughts. It must have been obvious enough that I wasn't fully into the conversation that had just taken place in front of me not even a minute before Rick had made his appearance beside me. For I was currently seated on the edge of a pew, watching as the group around me stumbled around like heavily working bees with tired eyes, not truly giving them my full attention. With no weapon to check or task to prepare, I was left alone to watch and wonder as they all prepared for their own little tasks. That is, of course, until Rick came over and took a seat next to me.

"Everything's perfectly fine," I stated, letting a smile plaster itself onto my face as I turn my body to face the man. "Just milking this break we earned for as much as I can."

It wasn't like me to lie, much less to right to a person's face, especially one who has my fate resting in his hands, for it was up to him how long his group and I could stay entangled together like this. It controlled every bit of my brain to not screw up and make a wrong move in front of Rick or any one of his close companions. One wrong move and I could be out and alone left to fend for myself once more. With that being said, lying seemed mandatory rather than out of pure defiance and mischief. For who could possibly make a wrong move under the oath of lying your way into happiness?