Crestfallen ↬ Carl Grimes (old version)

E N D L E S S

CHAPTER TEN : ENDLESS

❝We wear a smile to hide that we've been hurt before.❞

❝For a long time I stopped existing.❞

➳

[ Milah ]

TAKING SILENCE FOR GRANTED WAS A BAD HABIT THAT I HAVE RECENTLY ACQUIRED DOING, no matter how how many times I've tried to do the opposite. It was always on my mind, that bitter silence. It plagued my nightmares and made my blood turn to ice. I hated it with a passion. But no matter how much I hated silence, I know that at some point my hatred for it had to be ignored if I ever wanted it to live peacefully alongside me. And so far, silence hated me as much as I hated it. I wanted the silence now. I needed it to stay here, to continue being a border between me and the blue eyed boy. But sadly the world always somehow turned deaf to my wishes, God was ignoring me, turning down the volume on every single heartfelt wish I made. And the quiet was taunting me as it slipped in between my fingers. I can't control silence. Nobody can.

The voice calling out to us from outside the door made bubbles of anxiety appear in my hollow stomach, I didn't want Carl's dad to walk in here, especially now. My thoughts have eaten away at my brain for too long today, and Carl's father would have to be stupid to not know that there's something wrong about me. I needed to prepare for the worst. But odd enough, it seemed as if I was the only person in this room worrying about the coming future. Carl, I noticed, was staring at me with an odd look in those crystal eyes of his, almost as if the person calling outside the thin wood door didn't even catch his attention.

I could never tell what goes on in that mind of his, but I hope he isn't naive enough to believe that his father and I are going to meet each other and immediately be buddy buddy. His father would remember the barrel of my gun pointing at his head. And I would remember those crude words he shouted from downstairs about me, even though he hadn't seen, yet alone met me then.

But Carl still sat there and stared at me, watching my mental breakdown as my dark eyes stared at the door behind him, waiting for the movement that announced the entrance of his father. I tried to calm my beating heart. I shouldn't be reacting like this, most people would probably think that I'm being over dramatic, that his father might not be that bad. But I was simply just preparing myself, preparing my heart. For if things were to turn out badly, I wouldn't want to be weighed down by my empty hands and crestfallen heart.

My body flinched as Carl suddenly grabbed my hand with his calloused one, interlacing our fingers and giving it a tight squeeze. A smile was warming his face as he trained my gaze onto his.

"Everything's going to be okay Milah. Don't worry."

I knew that his words were nothing but lies, but I still felt my heart becoming lighter, the bubbles in my stomach turning into butterflies as I lowered my gaze to our hands. I could hear the creaking of the white door opening but I didn't, I couldn't, look up from our hands. My pale, grime coated knuckles contrasting with Carl's calloused ones, but it seemed like it was the easiest thing in the world to do. As if it weren't an act of pity or fear, but out of instinct and care for one another. It was almost as if I were back at my home, staring at the fading wallpaper, entranced by the simple things. Not even the thunderous steps walking closer and closer to the both of us could drag me out of this one. But maybe his voice could. (A/N: I'm imagining the trailer of The Last of Us 2 for some reason what in the world...)