Dear Diary; I Love Someone

Why Can't I Escape This?

So. I screwed up. Again. By arguing with my friends. Again. Got a lecture from Tina, which I deserved; and then Ben talked to me about it. I was a little surprised. But I was hurt at the second thing he mentioned. I had made him think that I hate him....I couldn't hate him. Ever.

Now I'm talking to Maki, y'know cutesy couple things, but I started crying....Because I remembered how I would hug Ben and listen to his heartbeat....how he had asked me if I would ever let him lay his head in my lap if we ever had the time and permission to hang out together at one of our homes...how we would understand each other even if we did argue from time to time....

Now my tears are falling again as I write this. Is this what it's like to still love someone, but try to move on for the better? Life really is unfair, isn't it?

I just can't win.....even when I think everything will be okay, it all falls to pieces again....

I hate my life......