Buried Deep ✔️

Chapter Eleven [World War III]

I shook my head. "It's complicated, Holiday. I've been struggling for months. I've killed a woman, seen a little girl die, and now, I'm putting my life in danger. The hardest part is I have to act like it is okay. I can't show the gang I'm weak. Damen was right earlier. Adrienne got into my head. She showed me a light in the darkness. She allowed me to feel something again. She gave me hope for a better life without all of this evil and deceit. I don't know, bro. I think my priorities are shifting."

He smiled at me. "I know, Spence. I knew the moment you chose to tell her goodbye that she's changed you. For once, you put someone else's feelings and needs over your own." He released my shoulder.

I clenched my fists. "But I hurt her, bro. I lied to her. I left her alone. She hates me now."

"You did what you had to do to protect her in this moment. She might not realize it now, but once you explain it to her she will." He gave me a lopsided smile.

I let out a deep sigh. "I won't be able to explain it to her." I had already made up my mind.

"Yes, you will. Once we get back from this mission, you'll have time."

I shook my head. "No, I'm not planning on coming back tonight." I kicked a rock down the alley.

He straightened himself and grabbed my shoulder. "I know it feels like your life is falling to pieces right now, but you can't just give up like this, Spencer. Life is a beautiful crazy ride and people like you deserve the chance to enjoy it," he said as he dropped his hand from my shoulder.

Inside my chest, the ache for her gnawed at the very heart that still beat for her. "How do I explain myself to her after tonight? You should have seen her."

I touched my chest as Holiday chuckled.

I lifted my head to look at him. "What's so funny?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "I'm not capable of answering your question, but . . ." he said, tilting his head in Damen's direction. "He is."

I followed his eyes to Damen, who was still standing in the shadows.

"Damen? Bro, he literally tried to stab me in the back before I left," I mumbled.

He leaned back against the wall. "He was scared. He thought you were abandoning the mission. He didn't want Cayden to find out and blame him. You obviously didn't know this, but he has a woman to go home to at night. He even has a little boy to care for. He can't risk something happening to him. His family needs him." He looked up at the sky.

My eyes wandered over to Damen. "Aye," I called out.

He shifted in the shadows and closed his knife. "What the hell do you want, man?" he asked, annoyance seeping into his voice.

I folded my arms across my chest. "I want advice. I've heard through the grapevine you have a secret life you keep separate from the gang."

He stepped through the shadows and into the dim light. His eyes narrowed in Holiday's direction. He let out a couple of swear words as he stepped over beside me. "Yes, I do." He sighed.

"Why did you bring up Adrienne getting into my head earlier?"

Damen shoved his hands into his pockets. "Because, bro. It's dangerous to be in love with someone when you're living this life. My woman is the most important thing in the world to me. She's supportive, strong, and the best mother to our little boy. I'm still in the gang because I can't take the risk to get out. I don't want to die trying to leave. I put them at risk everyday; if someone were to find out and uses them against me, I'd never be able to forgive myself. Regardless, this is the life I chose to live, and now I have to deal with it. I didn't want you to make the same mistake I did and fall in love."