R A G E

I am sorry to her

I am not a person to you, but a body. You can never tell me otherwise because anything else you need has been given to you by someone so beautiful and who seems so kind - yet you don't care about her. You disrespect a woman who loves you and knows you by coming to a girl who loves you but doesn't know you. I am selfish for keeping you and knowing that you aren't mine and that every touch isn't mine and every kiss isn't mine. You do not belong to me and I am stealing pieces and moments from her for no good reason except that I want you. I told you that this is wrong and this is bad and you are wrong and you are bad and you told me that I am bad, too. Because I know and that makes me no different.
I am so sorry. I am so sorry that I hurt her because she knows I'm with you but you lie to her and say I'm not but she knows it. She doesn't want it to be true so she loves you anyway but she's not stupid and she knows. She knows that you can be found in my bed and I can be found in yours and she hears us laughing about her but she has no proof because she's a sea and a language away from either of us.
I am so sorry because I felt no guilt until my friends in relationships wouldn't look me in the eye because they were afraid I'd wreck them, too. I am sorry because I wasn't sorry until you stopped talking to me every day and you only ever texted me after midnight to tell me you wanted me with you and you constantly cancelled plans and you didn't let me spend your birthday with you because you were "working all day" even though you don't work at one AM. I am sorry that I felt no guilt until she wanted to follow me on Instagram because she was desperate enough to swallow her pride and let me know she knows but she just wanted to know. I am sorry that I didn't care until you stopped liking my photos and started I tagging yourself from images my cousin posted because you didn't want her to find out, even though you told me that you didn't want to be with her anymore. I thought you told the truth because you never said you'd rather be with me. I thought you'd be honest with me when you said you didn't want any other American girls and wouldn't be with any others in my city. I thought you'd be honest because I knew your secret - because I was your secret. I am sorry that I wasn't sorry until I started feeling suspicious - from all the times you conveniently didn't respond to me and from the snaps from American named girls I saw you avoid opening. I am sorry that it took my own mind being tormented with jealousy and suspicions to feel guilt for doing the same to her. And I promise her that whatever you are up to is well deserved on my part because karma is a bitch and so am I.