R A G E

the things we can't speak about

I wish I could say everything I've never been able to say. Or things that, at the moment, I just can't say.

There's so much I have said: that I am sorry, that I miss her, that I love you all, and that I tried but I cant. What else is there to say? That this hurts, more than this? That I've stopped seeing a point to any of it? That I'm tired and sad and sometimes I want to die but not really because I don't have the courage?

I suppose we all stop caring at some point. Or maybe you stop caring: so far, I haven't stopped for those who mattered. But what did I expect? They say their love is unconditional...until certain conditions are met.

I just wish that I could have done things differently. In essence, I wish the person I was today would have been there to stop me doing from all I did. But I wasn't that person then, and really what I wish is that none of us ever met. I wouldn't have messed it all up, I'd hate myself more, and I wouldn't have found poetry. But at least you'd be happy. At this point, realizing that my happiness no longer matters and probably won't ever be achieved in this...all I can wish for is your happiness.