Exile

Oak Park Reunion

I got to my parent's house in under an hour. While I tried valiantly to stay at a hotel (I wanted to stay at the Hyatt in Schaumburg so I could shop at Woodfield every single day), my parents insisted (read: emotional blackmail) that I stay with them for the month. After all, they hadn't seen me in over four years, they argued, and they wanted to spend as much time as they could before I returned to Vancouver. I tried to tell them that at twenty-six, I was perfectly able to get my own room and I didn't want to impose, but they didn't listen.

"You're our daughter, Elodie!" I remember my mom cooing over the phone. "You wouldn't be imposing! Your dad and I just want to enjoy you."

"I know you want to spend time with me, Mom. Still, I wouldn't feel comfortable…"

"You're going to be so busy with Emily's wedding. She's your best friend, and she's going to need you a lot. I know you could stay at a hotel, but can't you see why we'd want you here. We've missed you so much. You're our baby girl, and we just want to spend whatever time we can with you. Is that really too much to ask?"

Seriously – how can you say no to that? You'd have to be heartless or ballsy or both.

My parents practically crushed me when I arrived. I wondered if they'd forgotten that I'm twenty-six instead of six as they covered me in kisses and mused about how I looked like a genuine business lady. My father told me over and over about how lovely I looked and that he was proud of me. It wasn't until I insisted that my ribs were cracking under the pressure that they finally let go.

They continued this love-in by insisting on taking me out to dinner. I tried to tell them that I just wanted to rest, that it had been a long flight. But then they suggested that we go to Giordanos for a stuffed pizza, and suddenly, I caught a second wind. As cosmopolitan as Vancouver is, it does not have those oh-go-yummy stuffed pizzas that define the city of Chicago. I couldn't say no.

We got the restaurant fairly quickly. We feasted on tasty crusts, thick tomato sauce, sausage and mushrooms, and washed in down with pitchers of Coca-Cola. With every bite, I realized how much I missed my parents. They'd never betrayed me. They'd always supported me, even when that meant being separated by thousands of miles. They were truly my family.

Even if the rest of this month turns out to be a veritable hell, at least I had my parents. So, that's something.

After a few more slices, we headed back to the house. I asked my dad to put my leftover pizza slices in the fridge for breakfast tomorrow – the best way to eat stuffed pizza leftovers. My mom had prepared my old bedroom for me, dressing the bed in my favorite shade of violet. I could feel my eyelids drooping. The pizza only increased my fatigue.

I need sleep and lots of it. My reunion with my parents went the way I expected it to – wonderfully. But that was never the reunion I dreaded. That particular reunion is tomorrow, and I still have no idea how I'm going to handle it.

My mom reads me like a book. "So, where are you meeting Emily tomorrow?" she asks me as I prepare for bed.

"We're meeting up at Woodfield to catch up, and then we're going Gameworks later on," I tell her with a sigh. "For nostalgia's sake."

"Ah. Isn't that where you guys use to hang out all the time?"

"Yeah. Well, one of many places. I think Emily chose this place because she knew I'd need the booze."

"It can't be that bad." Her delivery is unconvincing. "Besides, it's been four years, and you've been no spinster. I think you should give yourself a little more credit."

She's right. After one year of focusing on work, I started to get a life. Flirted, dated, even had a serious relationship which had a much more palatable ending. I even have a group of friends, fellow female executives that I frequently hang out with. Even so, longing lingers. I'm clearly not ready to face this.

"Well, I'm here and I'm going to get through one way or another," I grumble as I slip into bed. "I'm not looking forward to this, but no will see my anxiety. This is about Emily and Andrew getting married after God knows how long."

My mother struggles to stifle a snicker. "I know you'll do your best. Still, you have my cell. If anything goes wrong, you call me, and I'll come running."

Now, it's my turn to stifle a snicker. The thing is, I know my mom's not kidding. "Thanks, but I've got this. I'll be fine."

"I'm sure it will be. Besides, your friends are going to be amazed when they see what a beautiful and bright businesswoman you've become."

"You have to say that to me, you're my Mom," I deadpan.

"If you say so," she tosses back, closing my door. "Good night, love."

"Night."

I turn off the light, and settle in. As kind as my mother's words were, they offer me no relief.

I'm at the point of no return. Let's get this month over with. As much as I'd miss my parents, once its all over, I'd be back in Vancouver, in my lovely but ridiculously expensive condo, working the job that I love with the acquaintances I usually have fun with.

…

This is so messed up.

"Are you sure you about this?"

"Yeah, I'm sure. I need to start fresh somewhere. I just need to get away."

"I can't help but feel like I'm responsible."

"You're not."

"Yeah, but I feel like I am."

"Well, don't. This isn't your fault. Like I said, I just need to get away from here. I've been offered a wonderful opportunity in Vancouver, and I'd be crazy not to take it. This will be good for me. This will help me get my life back on track."

"…Elodie, I'm sorry. I…"

"I didn't come here for apologies. I came because…I felt like you deserved to know. I leave the day after graduation. So, help me to make these last days bearable, all right?"

"…All right."

"Thank you."

"…Elodie?"

"Yes?"

"Is there anything I can say to make you change your mind?"

Yes…

"…No."

Night brings good counsel. It also encourages honesty.

It's clear that I am lying to myself.

Here in the dark, I can see my memories. They show me the reason for my upheaval four years ago.

I loved him…I loved so much…but I was afraid, and he wasn't mine. He said I was, but it became clear to me that wasn't the case. Rather than suffer further heartbreak, I chose self-preservation. As torn as I was, at least I had my dignity.

But even after four years, one thing is for certain…willingly letting him go ripped me apart more than the adventures of a horny idiot ever could.