Bad Boy Religion

Chapter 5 - I'm Leaving

Chapter 5

I'm Leaving

After Wednesday's kissing tragedy. Friday felt like it came too quickly. He hadn't come to English once this week and I'm hoping that meant I didn't have to go to his house later today.

I was completely okay with finishing our project on my own now.

I did not want to see him.

I entered my first class, Physics, and took my place next to Michael. I had bought coffee for him this morning as a thank you for buying it for me last time.

I pushed the coffee towards him.

"Oh, hey...aw man you're the best. I really needed this," he says smiling softly. His cheeks are rosy from the mornings cold and I can't help but lean closer.

"Bad nights sleep?"

"Yeah, actually. My...Nicole, she...she broke up with me?" He said it as though it was a question as if he couldn't be sure of the possibility. I felt bad for him.  Even though he was a guy I had crushes on for what seemed like two years now, he still loved her a lot. And the way he talked about her made her seem so special to him. I couldn't help but feel for him.

"Michael, I'm so sorry," I say softly. He looks at me and smiles.

"You know, she said I was boring? She said I did the same thing every day and that I had no adventure to me? Do you think that's true?"

I was stunned to hear his words. A major feel of deja vu washed over me and my heart wanted to reach out to him even more.

"Michael, I don-" I was interrupted by our Physics teacher and I couldn't tell Michael my thoughts.

"Class, today we're talking about kinetic energy. Turn to page 15 in the textbook while I pull up my slideshow. Oh, also I graded your tests. The class average isn't looking too good....."

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When I entered English, my second to last class of the day I noticed Ashton right away.

How could I not when he was all I thought about?

I looked down at what I was wearing. Black skinny jeans with a big loose white cream sweater that had a very open neckline. I was wrapped up in a beige parka. My shoes were just white Nikes.

Whatever maybe I could've done better but whatever.

When did I become the girl who cared about what she was wearing for a guy?

I can't let him affect me anymore.

I take my seat next to him and immediately ignore his eyes boring into the side of my face.

I pull out my English folder, notebook and my copy of Catcher In the Rye. I let my hair fall out as a curtain blocking his view of me and patiently wait for my teacher to arrive.

We don't talk for the rest of the class. We just read our book and I can't help, but feel hurt.

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When I make my way to his house I ring the doorbell twice, following the same procedure as I usually do.

It's already December and snow is softly falling on my hair. I shudder from the freezing weather. It's really, really cold and my hands are blistering.

I had decided I'd show up and just get the project over with.

Or did I just want an excuse to see him again?

Finally, Ashton opens the door and leaves it open as he walks away from me. I enter and take off my shoes.

The tension is too unreal. It's like the snow, it's a heavy blanket over us that nobody can ignore.

I trail after him and when we enter his room I drop my bag, pulling out the book and lean against his dresser.

"You shouldn't have done what you did on Wednesday," he says as he looms over me.

"I'm sorry, I don't know why I did it. I don't even like you like that," I say defiantly and flip through the pages. I trace my fingers over the letters to distract myself from his gaze, once again.

"Sure you don't," he snaps and walks closer to me.

"I don't. I already have a crush on someone else."

"Who?" He walks away from me, grabs a root beer from his fridge and takes a seat on his bed, I stay still leaning against the dresser.

"Michael Wilkinson."

"Ha...you would pick my best friend to crush on. I don't get jealous easily, Stutter,"

"I didn't know he was your best friend. He never mentioned you."

"Listen, Stutter. I don't like you like that, but it's obvious you have a crush on me. And I'm gonna ask you nicely to stop it because I don't wanna hurt you plus it's annoying,"

"I don't have a crush on you!" I lie.

"Sure you don-"

"I don't know anyone who's crazy enough to crush on a psychopath like you. You're freaking bipolar. One second you're nice and calm next thing you know you're calling me a pathetic bitch for no reason. All you do is use me as your punching bag and you tell me to get a life, how about you? Don't you have anything better to do that mess with people's emotions? I'm sorry if someone else is hurting you so much that you have to take it out on me! You're crazy!" I scream letting out all my frustration at him. As I was speaking he stood up and look over at me.

"You make me crazy, what the fuck! You piss me off so fucking much. I say something and you just dumbly say what and you do the same thing every day and it makes me want to fucking slap you hoping you wake up from your perfect life. You have no worries and no pain. You're like this stupid Barbie doll!"

"I'm not perfect you can't just assume that!" I scream and throw the book at him. He dodges it and grunts, his eyes look enraged.

"I don't assume. I know. You come to school, you stare at Michael all day. He's another one of your fantasies I bet. The way you talk about Holden shows that you just observe and don't initiate anything. You dress like a fucking slut sometimes and you pretend to not notice how guys are staring at you in English trying to hide their boners when you lean down to pick up you're a pencil that you oh so accidentally dropped. I don't buy your shit. It fucking pisses me off when they look at you like that. You just want every guy to look at you like that huh? That's why you dress like that?

All you want is attention, you probably don't get it at home. I'm right aren't I? What? Is it a perfect older sister that you have to live up to?

As for school, you do your homework. You're on top of everything and I saw your list of colleges on your planner. I saw it, Stutter.

Harvard, NYU, Yale. I'm betting right now you'll get into NYU. You're gonna accept. It's perfect for pathetic people like you. You'll be that socialite and party every day when you're older while pretending not to notice how boys drool after you. You kiss up to your teachers and you drive home to your perfect family in your perfect little hybrid car. What? Bet you gonna be a doctor or some stupid shit like that...you're just so perfect and pathetic. Come on, Stutter."

Silence fills the room as I don't respond. I let the silence loom over us like another blanket. I'm shaking. He has me cornered against the dresser. Both his hands placed on the furniture next to either side of my hips. We're both breathing heavily from shouting and when we breathe in our chests touch.

"I'm leaving."

"Kiss me."

We speak at the same time.

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