Notice Me

chapter seven

June 22, 2012

Silence. All I've been hearing these past two weeks really. First Rebecca, then Rodney, now it's my mom and dad.

I sighed. "Please say something."

"Ellie was right about you. God, my own daughter?"

I looked at my dad, all of my nervousness gone. "Excuse me?"

My mom scowled. "You heard him Jessica! Ellie told us how you were going to use her brother, we didn't believe her at first, but now.." She shook her head.

"Jesus Jessica, how could you use poor Rodney for his money? And to do it in such a cruel way as pregnancy? You're a disgrace to this family."

My mom nodded in agreement with my dad. "You're nothing but a gold digging whore. I'm ashamed to even call you my daughter." She turned her nose up in disgust.

I starred at them with no emotion, it hurt like shit, but I literally didn't have it in me to cry anymore. I've cried all that I could.

"Forget about us even showing up to your joke of an graduation. Who wants to be known as the parents of a whore." My dad snarled.

My mom stood up. "You're nothing. You'll never be anything, you or that bastard child of yours! You're nothing but a worthless little slut."

•

April 20, 2016

I swallowed, you knew this was going to happen one day. Yeah, but I didn't think it would be this soon. Just take deep breaths. I nodded, yes deep breaths.

Adam looked at me with panicky eyes. "Wow uh.. Come on Reid let's go get some ice cream yeah?"

Reid nodded eagerly. "Yes!"

"Okay buddy let's go." Adam grabbed Reid and ran out of the door.

I shut the door after them, calmly sat down on the couch, and held my head in my hands.

"Jessica." His voice was so calm, so calm yet so scary.

I cleared my throat. "Yes?"

"Explain."

I felt a cold chill run down my spine. I didn't want to face such a harsh reality just yet, why is the world so cruel? I knew I shouldn't have let him come home with me, I knew it was too risky. Shit. I sighed and got up to go to the kitchen. "There's nothing to explain."

"Nothing to explain!"

I flinched and closed my eyes. Deep breaths.

"Are you kidding me? There's a little boy that looks just fucking like me and there's nothing for you to explain!" He chuckled in disbelief. "I thought you killed it Jessica how could you lie to me like that." He stalked towards me and I backed away. "How!"

Okay I know what I did was somewhat wrong, but he had no right to blame it all on me. I looked at him, anger coursing through my body. "How? Are you serious! Rodney you threw money at me and told me to get the hell out of your face and go kill it! You left me all alone to go abort our baby by myself! Alone and eighteen! I was scared!" Don't let him see you weak like this Jess.

His eyes softened. "J.."

I sighed, fuck it. "I hated you, I hated you so much for doing that to me. Once I heard my baby's heartbeat I didn't care how old I was. I didn't care that my parents disowned me, didn't care that I didn't have any where to go, all I cared about was the little thing growing inside of me." I looked at him, tears in my eyes but I didn't let them fall. "So don't you dare fucking stand right there and yell at me like I was the only one wrong, go fuck yourself!"

I was about to walk off until he grabbed me and pulled me in to him. I tried to push him off, but he held me tighter and I gave in. I felt so weak, so defenseless. We stayed like that for awhile until he carried me and sat on the sofa with me on his lap.

"Rodney.."

"Shh." He ran his fingers through my hair.

I closed my eyes. Why are you letting him do this to you get up! I couldn't.. I couldn't even if I wanted to.

He let out a breath. "I was young and stupid. All I had on my mind was my fathers company and what he would think of me. I was listening to my older sister. I'm sorry I said those things to you I didn't mean it. I regretted how things went that night for a long time, I still do." He looked down at me with glossy eyes. "But you have to believe me, I was scared too. When you told me all I could think about was how we would take care of it."

I nodded. "I thought about it too, but I thought we would think about that together. I never thought you would leave me high and dry like that because you thought I was some gold digger. I know your sister hated me, but you chose to believe her. You broke me." I pulled away from him, he let me. "You should leave." I stood up and walked to the door.

He shook his head. "I'm not going anywhere, I've waited four years to get the courage to come to New York and see you. I didn't expect him, but I did miss you Jess." He got up and walked to me, caging me against the door. "God I missed you so much." He laid his forehead on top of mine and breathed me in.

I looked up at him, he was so beautiful. I reached out to touch the nape of his neck, but stopped myself. It took all my will power to gently push him off, his eyes held longing and I couldn't take it anymore. I still loved him, of course I did, but that didn't change what happened. "You should leave."

"Jessica.."

I held my hand up. "No Rodney I need time to think, you do too. You just found out that you have a three year old kid." I opened the door.

He sighed. "This isn't finished Jessica." He walked out.

I closed the door and sighed. Not one bit.