Notice Me

chapter four

June 7, 2012

I sat against the wall and ran my fingers through my hair. My parents were going to kill me. Why did this have to happen to me? Everything was going well these past few weeks with graduation right around the corner, my acceptance in to my dream college, Rodney telling me he was going to be taking over his fathers business, and now this.

I looked down at my hand and sighed. My energy was drained and I've done all of the crying I could muster up. I didn't want to tell Rodney, but I have to, he's going to hate me so much. I just know it.

I looked beside me to see my phone flash with my best friends name across the screen. She was the one who suggested I take this shit and now I'm sitting on the cold bathroom floor feeling sorry for myself.

On the fourth ring I picked up and answered.

"Yes."

She sighed. "It's positive isn't it. I can hear it in your voice Jess."

I wanted to scream but I opted into just pulling my hair. I winced. "Yes."

"We'll get through this okay? I promise we'll get through this."

I nodded even though she couldn't see me. I was freaking out, but I'm not going to show it. "Yeah." I sighed. "I have to tell him Beck, I don't want to but I have to tell him."

Silence, that's all I could really hear. "Are you sure you want to do that?"

Was I?

No.

Yes.

No.

No.

Yes.

No.

Yes.

"Yes."

"Okay, I'm here always. I love you. I'll be over after I get off of work."

I hummed. "Yeah. Love you too."

•

March 12, 2016

I laid beside Reid and ran my fingers through his hair. I loved doing that, it's so soft and curly just like his fathers was. I closed my eyes and sighed. Everything was so perfect back then. The love Rodney had for me was scary, but thrilling at the same time. I never thought he would love me just as much as I already did him. I do not regret having Reid though not one bit. Rodney and I created something so beautiful, but I do wish things were different for him. I know he's happy now, but he will continue to ask about his dad and I have no idea how to answer that anymore I just kind of stir from the topic, which is wrong I know but what do I say?

Oh I'm sorry baby, your dads a dead beat and he didn't want you.

Or

Reid he told me to get an abortion and I told him I did it and killed you, but obviously I was too scared to do it so I lied.

What kind of mess is that? I remember reading that stick like it was yesterday. I was so scared, so freaking scared. I ended up telling my parents the week before graduation and they disowned me, didn't even give me a chance to explain, just disowned me. Especially my mom, she didn't even look at me. They didn't come to my graduation either, they were too ashamed to call me their daughter. It hurt like hell, but I do not regret having Reid. I love him with all of me, I would die for him, kill for him if I had to.

I heard the door creak open and saw my mom smiling at me. I owe her the world. I kissed Reid's head goodbye and walked out of the room quietly shutting the door behind me. "Hi mommy."

She pulled me in for a hug and kissed my cheek. "Hi baby, how are you."

I smiled lovingly at her. "I'm well, how are you?"

She pushed some of my hair behind my ear and patted my cheek. "That's good, I'm doing quite well for a forty seven year old woman." She laughed.

I laughed. "Still as beautiful as ever." It was true, she looked like she was dipped in the fountain of youth with long black hair and piercing green eyes, just like Adam.

She waved me off, her favorite thing to do. "Have you eaten anything?"

"Yes ma'am, you know my dear brother made sure I ate."

She smiled. "He loves you, we both do, so much."

I smiled and nodded. "I love you guys too. I owe you the world mom, thank you for everything, especially taking care of Reid while I work."

She ran her hand down the side of my face. "You owe me nothing baby. He's my grandson, I'd do anything for him and you. I just want to see you do great things and you have. I'm so proud of you baby." 

I tried not to get too emotional as she pulled me in for a warm hug. "Thank you." I heard a cough and looked over to see Adam walking up to us. "Why do you always break up our moments."

He rolled his eyes. "I just came to tell you that we are leaving little girl. Hey mom."

She rolled her eyes and pulled him towards her. "Hi my baby, be safe okay? Take care of your sister."

He nodded and kissed her forehead. "Of course mom, I always do."

"Bye mom, kiss Reid again for me will you?"

"I will dear, take care of your brother."

I grinned. "I will, I always do."