Notice Me

chapter twelve

November 10, 2012

It's been four months since I've been living with Adam and his mom Karen. Two months ago she filed for adoption of me, it was a early surprise for my 19th birthday. I've never felt so much motherly love in my life, I mean sure my mother loved me, but she hated me as well even though she never said it. She blamed me for ruining her life, she wanted to move to France after the honeymoon with my father, but reality hit and they had me. Karen has been nothing but welcoming since I got here and I've grown to love her just as much as she loves me.

"Jessica! Can you come here a minute sweetheart!"

I wrapped my scarf around my neck and wobbled into the family room. My stomach was getting bigger by the second, I was already five months, good thing my clothes covered my swollen belly well. "Yes mom?"

She smiled warmly at me, green eyes gleaming. She was so posh and modest, something I've always wanted to be. "Come here dear have a seat, I know your feet must be killing you."

I gratefully sat on the couch across from her. "Thank you."

She waved me off. "You didn't have any studies today I assume?"

I shook my head. "No, I've been sleeping all day. Being pregnant sure does take a lot of energy out of you."

She chuckled. "Yes it does, are you feeling okay?"

I nodded. "I'm feeling better than I have in months. Thank you for everything, I really appreciate it." A couple of tears ran down my face as I sniffled. Damn hormones.

She got up and sat beside me. "It's no problem my child. I've grown to love you as my own, I always wanted a daughter just like you." She kissed my forehead and pulled me close. "I love you sweet Jessica."

I smiled through my tears and squeezed her. "I love you too mom."

•

May 24, 2016

I sat down in my seat across from Rodney in the hospital cafeteria. Neither one of us said a word, we just sat across from each other awkwardly. I took a peak at him and I could see the tiredness in his eyes. He looked.. drained honestly. I almost felt bad, but then I remembered he's trying to take my son away from me. But aren't you doing the same thing? I mentally groaned.

I cleared my throat and he looked at me. "What um.. What is it?"

He sighed and rubbed the stubble on his face. He looked so beautiful. He is so beautiful I should say, I've never seen anything like it. "I think we should tell him."

I raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"I think we should tell Reid that I'm his dad, about how I fucked it all up.."

I stiffened and looked at him carefully. "Rodney.."

He ran his fingers through his hair. "I think we should tell him. I want him to know who I am. I need him to know." He looked down. "I don't want to be apart from him.. From you.." He looked at me. "I know I don't deserve to."

I glared. "You fucking started this shit." My voice cracked.

He reached out to touch my hand, I let him. The sparks were still there as expected, they never really went away. "I know. I fucked it all up and I'm so sorry. If I could take it all back I would, I swear. I've been thinking about it a lot."

I sighed and rubbed my thumb gently across his wrist. "Me too. I'm starting to think I was never really mad at you. I was more mad at myself for keeping him away from you."

He shook his head. "You had every right to. I threw money at you and told you to kill it. I don't blame you for doing what you did Jessica."

I looked at him with tears forming in my eyes. I hated looking weak in front of people, but this wasn't just anybody.. this was Rodney. The love of my life, the one I gave everything to. I should be yelling at him for hurting me in the past, but that's just what it was.. the past. A little boy and a little girl, so immature but so deeply in love.

"I shouldn't have done it. I should've just told you. I should've.."

He placed his finger on my lips and shook his head. "Stop, let's start with now. Let's do the right thing now. Like I said I don't want to be away from you.." He scooted his chair closer to me. "I don't want to be away from him. I love you Jessica and he is apart of you, apart of us. I can't be with out us anymore, can we start over?" He palmed the sides of my face and brushed his thumb across my bottom lip.

I looked at him, really looked at him this time. Not a subtle glance but more of an observation. He was truly beautiful and with out a doubt the little boy that I fell in love with. I loved him more than I loved my self and to know that he still loved me just as much stirred something within. I sighed. "I don't know Rodney. I love you too, but we need time. We can tell Reid, but you and I, we need more time."

"Four years wasn't enough?"

I shook my head sadly, a tear dropping on his thumb. He stroked my cheek again and nodded solemnly. He went to pull away, but I pulled him back and kissed him softly on the corner of his lips. "I'm not saying no, we just need time."

He opened his eyes and smiled, a genuine one. "I know.. I'm okay with that."

I brushed my knuckles against his rough stubble and whispered. "So beautiful."

He grabbed my hand and kissed my knuckles. He tilted his head. "I love when you talk about yourself."

I laughed and took my hand back. "You're so corny. Let's go and tell Reid."

He chuckled and smiled softly at me. "Let's go."