soon.

xli.

̶ ̶  xli. HAPPY FATHER'S DAY.

because i know you don't quite understand why your veins boil with hatred and mine stay a cold violet under porcelain skin.

because i know you can't stand where life has brought you. you're so confused as to how you have a child who forgives you and a woman still mourning over the death of your love and a boring life that starts at four in the morning to a place where your boss almost made you end your life and finally ends at nine pm with the negativity of the news blaring out your own existence as you fall asleep to the sound of a stranger announcing the homicide of two.

because you can't read yet your daughter writes out all her feelings instead of screaming them out. i bury all my feelings inside, it's quite humorous isn't it? we finally found a similarity that doesn't involve complete self hatred for who we have become.

because i'm sorry you can't tell me you love me bluntly instead of bringing up small talks that last only minutes and i know you cry yourself to sleep over the distance that you've created between us over the years you've allowed your mind to devour you until there is nothing left.

because it was never meant to be like this and sometimes i wish things would change.

but in the end, i really do hope you find peace and happiness,
because that's all you've ever deserved.