soon.

xxiv.

̶ ̶ xxiv. WHY I NO LONGER LEAVE MY HOME.

depression drapes over my home like a shadow that doesn't leave even when the sun has been drowned by the sea. it sings me to sleep, cradles me in the dark. i find comfort within the hold of it all, wondering why i had tried to fight it off for so long.

it's not long until anxiety pulls at my ankles, dragging me from my black sheets. depression grabs a hold of my wrists, a tug of war at my body makes my bones ache, my breathing faltering as they scream for more of me that i can't possibly give.

this can go on for days, my mind hiding in trenches, hoping soon that a grenade would explode and kill it instantly. when they finally let go, my nails dig into the carpet of my bedroom, crawling with tears drawing lakes on my cheeks.

i make it to the front door, i open it. a bright light flashes, making me feel quite dizzy, but thankful. the shadow no longer exists, my depression is cured after such a long journey. i look down to my hands, the skin under my nails bleeding, staining the floor below my pressed knees.

once i look up and the sight of trees and strangers walking across cracked sidewalks comes out blurry enough for recognition, the voice in my head begins to bellow. my temples pulse as the pain of a migraine rises, the screaming growing louder as my brows furrow further. the deep dark i had almost forgotten the existence of begins to envelop the windows, drowning out the white light from outside.

my body urges forward, my blood dried fingers cramping as i reach for the freedom of being okay. the darkness- it creeps closer, the screaming turning to static. anxiety wraps its ugly hands around my bony ankles, dragging me from the front door.

it slams shut.

the noise within me stops.

and i'm left crying on the floor.