Patriots: New York

Chapter Six: A Day Back in Boston

I did not know what to do now. I could not run into my family or anyone who might tell them that Zeb and I were back in town. We also could not just sit on the edge of Hancock's wharf...oh no...Hancock! He could slip something to my father, as they knew each other. I panicked for a moment, but I then remembered that Mr. Hancock was presiding as the President of the Continental Congress in Philadelphia. I did not need to worry about him seeing me here.
  "Zeb," I said, loosening my embrace. "We ought to find Henry."
   He collected himself. "You're right, we ought to find him and get out of this city."
  "Do you think he would have gone to the Boston Gazette office to sell his pamphlets and such from New York?" I asked.
  "Possibly, though that is not the only news office in town," Zeb muttered.
  "We might as well look there though, say hello to Eli if he is still there," I said. "He would keep the secret that we are here."
  We started walking down the wharf to the Gazette office. Looking at the buildings on Hancock's wharf brought back memories of when I would be on my special missions delivering messages to the Sons is Liberty. I had not heard much about the Sons in a while. Their main purpose had been to rile people up about the taxation and acts before the war officially broke out. They did sort of act as a spy network with Lexington and Concord, but I had not seen or heard much about them lately.
  I looked up at Zeb for a minute to make sure he was alright. He certainly looked solemn and serious, but not quite as grief-stricken as earlier. He was being very strong about losing his darling Penelope. I took his hand gave it a little comfort squeeze.
  Suddenly a man caught my eye. He was well dressed in a brown jacket and tan breeches with black leather boots. His brown hair was pulled back with a black ribbon. I almost did not recognize him at first, but I realized it was Philip Davis! He looked quite different without his British Army uniform. He recognized me immediately when he looked at me.
  "Betty!" He called, looking rather happy to see me.
I had almost forgotten that the Harolds called me that, and that was the only name Philip knew me by.
"Oh, hello Philip," I said nervously.
"Sure is crazy seeing you here," he said, then he shot a look at Zeb, "And you..."
"It is also crazy seeing you here," I said. I lowered my voice, "Have you deserted from the King's army yet?"
"Um...no...not yet..." He said slowly.
"So what are you doing in Boston? If anyone finds out you are still an active member of the British army they'll ride you out on a rail! Or worse!" I exclaimed in a whisper.
"I know, that's why I don't parade around in uniform," he whispered with a sly smile.
  "Well, why are you still in Boston if you have not deserted officially?" I asked.
  "I'm spending some time with my Cordelia and her family before I move on to New York...oh damn..." He cringed.
  I laughed, "So, the British are moving on to New York soon?"
"Yes," he said, turning red.
"Thank you for telling me," I laughed, "I'm pretty sure Washington already knows, but thank you so much for the blatant leak of information."
He sighed. "Can I tell you a secret?"
"Sure," I whispered.
"I'm actually spying for Washington now. I'm still in the British army and getting the credit from that so I can start my new life when the war is over, but I am helping the Continentals," he whispered.
"Wow! How...wonderful," I said politely. I was a little nervous though. If Philip was so open to telling me, someone he does not know that well, and he read like an open book, he did not seem like he was cut out for being a spy. Also, he could still be lying to me.
"Just do not tell Cordelia or her family. They will have my head," Philip said nervously.
"I wouldn't dream of seeing or talking to her again, so your secret is safe with us," I said, nervously looking around to make sure no one was around listening to this conversation.
"Well, now that that is off my chest, where did you go? Why did you leave the Harolds? Did you leave town? Why are you back?" He asked.
"It's a really long story of why I left. Both Zeb and I moved out of town but we just had to make a quick stop here. We will be leaving soon though," I explained very vaguely.
Philip looked like he wanted more. "Alright...well, sir," he addressed Zeb in a bit of a mocking tone, "you have been awfully silent compared to our first meeting with one another...what brings you to Boston on your visit?" It was an innocent enough question, but the delivery was not proper for someone who had just experienced such a loss as Zeb had.
Zeb got a look of complete and utter rage in his eyes and looked as if he might throw a punch at Philip's face. I gently took both of his hands but held them rather securely to keep him in check. Philip observed the situation and looked a little startled, but still interested and waiting for an answer.
"It's also a long story, but we have to go find our ship captain to take us home..." I said.
"I have time for a long story," Philip said stubbornly.
"We don't," I shot back, a little too snappily for his liking.
"Now excuse me, Betty, but I will not stand for you treating me distrustfully. I find it rather offensive," He said a little angrily.
"I'm sorry if you do," I said firmly, but feeling bad, "I mean you no offense."
"What brought you back to Boston? Were you here to see someone? Right! You were seeing that goldsmith's pretty daughter weren't you?" Philip asked, acknowledging Zeb again, "How is she by the way? Were you here to see her?"
"Yes," Zeb spoke up, his voice sounding dark and dangerous. I tightened my grip on his hands. "I was here to see her."
Philip obviously knew that something was wrong, but he must have assumed it was just Zeb's prejudice against him as a Continental Army soldier. He continued to try to get the story, "How is the lovely lady? You sure are a lucky fellow to be seeing such a girl of class and beauty..."
"Yes, I certainly was," Zeb said in his same dangerous tone that made me nervous.
"You two are no longer together?" Philip asked, a smirk making its way across his face.
I was angry with him now. "Alright, Mr. Davis, that'll do! Good day to you!"
I started to march away, pulling Zeb with me.
"I don't understand why you're angry with me, darling," Philip kept smirking.
"Don't call me darling!" I snapped.
"My apologies, Betty. Just waiting for an answer to my question from your friend there..."
"He doesn't need to answer your question!" I burst out angrily.
"Oh, heartbroken from being rejected?" Philip laughed. He really had no idea what the real story was, but even if Zeb had only been rejected this still would have been insensitive!
"No! She's dead!" Zeb yelled, his voice shaking with anger and hurt.
Philip suddenly looked stunned. "Oh, my apologies to you, sir...I had no idea, I'm so sorry..."
"Good day, Philip," I said again.
  "Good day, Betty," Philip called after us. We were already quite a ways away.
  "God damn that fool to hell," Zeb muttered.
   "He will make a pretty awful spy the way he blabs," I said under my breath. "I'm sorry he pestered you so, Zeb."
  "I just can't believe she's gone," He said softly.
  "I'm so dreadfully sorry, Zeb," I said gently, "But everyone says people are not truly gone when they die. She was a wonderful girl, she'll go to heaven. She can smile down at you every minute everyday."
  He sighed, looking to be in abject despair, "I don't believe that could be true, Liza. I just want to die myself. There's no point in me living if I don't have her. Dying ain't so bad, not if you both go together, only when one's left behind does it get sad..."
  "Oh Zeb, you musn't fall into that," I said nervously.
  "How can I not?" He asked sadly, "What am I supposed to live for now? I'm not getting married now. I will never have children or a family. I do not have anyone to come back to from the war. I want nothing more right now than to die too. Do you think that redcoat would put me out of my misery?"
  "No!" I screamed.
  Some other people in the street looked at me with shocked expressions.
  "Zeb," I said in a softer voice than a scream, "You still have so much to live for! Dying is not going to help anyone! Who will take over the store? Who will fight the war? Who will my parents dote over? Who will keep me from going insane?"
  "It I'm dead you won't have to marry me if your parents find you or when you go home. You have a brother to inherit the store, or if he won't have it, another brother or four sisters who can marry someone to take it over. And what have I ever done that helped you? You're a strong girl, you don't need me around," he ranted.
  "I'm not that strong!" I cried. "You being there for me for the past eight years of my life has gotten me through so much! I want to help get you through this, alright? You can find another girl in your life. You still have a life to live! Penelope would want you to keep living!"
  "How could you know what Penelope wants, Liza?!" He growled, "She wanted a husband, a marriage, children, a family, a long and lovely life! She had that snatched away from her!"
  "And it is a tragic circumstance, but there is nothing anyone could have done! She loved you enough though that she would want you to live a life that she could not have," I pressed, taking his hand.
  He did not say more. He reached into his back pocket and pulled out his switch knife he kept on him at all times. He let go of my hand and ran behind a building. I ran after him. He stopped, concentrated, and placed the blade above his wrist, seemingly ready to cut. A wave of terrified panic swept over me and my adrenaline kicked in. I ran to his side as fast as I could.
  "Zeb! No! Give me the knife!" I cried.
  He had a firm hold on it and made a small cut on his wrist. He winced but looked ready to do it again. I grabbed his arm in which he held the knife and pulled it away towards me as hard as I could. He struggled and the knife grazed my arm, drawing a bit of blood.
   "Zeb, stop this!" I cried again, tears escaping my eyes.
   "Just leave me be, Liza," he sighed, still trying to hurt himself.
  "Hey! Cutting yourself is not solving anything! Just stop it and calm down! This is not the way to go!" I sobbed.  
  He pulled the knife back towards him but I pulled harder, causing my arm to get cut again, this time deeper and with more blood. I screamed this time and Zeb saw what he had done to me.
  "Oh god, what have I done?" He gasped, his tone turning from angry to panicked and despairing again. "Liza, I-I'm so sorry, I never meant to hurt you. Let me see, is it bad?"
  "No," I breathed. It hurt rather terribly and was bleeding all over my sleeve, "It's alright. Just don't hurt yourself!"
  "Liza...I-I'm so sorry. Here, let me get something to help..." He offered.
"First, give me the knife," I said shakily.
"Why?"
"I don't want you to hurt yourself!"
"A-alright," He sighed, handing it to me. I tucked it in my dress pocket.
  "I'll tend to this when we find a bandage or something. Wait...you're bleeding too!" I gasped.
  "Only a little. You more than me. Let's just get that wrapped..." He said.
"It's alright, Zeb. I have an emergency bandage in my bag on the boat," I said shakily. "Are you alright?"
"Yes, nothing you need to worry about," he said quickly.
This was the farthest thing from true. What sort of question did I ask? Of course he was not "alright!" I threw myself at him in another hug, careful not to get blood everywhere. He surprisingly accepted it and hugged me back. We went back to the boat and I found the bandage in my bag. I went below deck and painfully slipped my arm out of my sleeve and wrapped it. I slipped it back into the sleeve and came back up. Zeb had already stopped the bleeding on his cut and assured me it was all fine, so I let it slide with no fuss.
We made our way to the Boston Gazette building. I kept a sharp eye out for anyone who may know or recognize us and tell my parents that we were back. I trusted Eli enough that I did want to see him and did not worry about him telling anyone he had seen us. Henry was walking out when we got there. We agreed to meet back at the boat in an hour. We then went into the office. Eli was behind the printing press as usual.
"Hello, Eli!" I called.
His eyes lit up in both shock and excitement. "Liza! Zeb! This is a...surprise! You're back from the army, Zeb? And you're alive, Liza?!"
  "Yes," I laughed. "I'm alive! Is that a rumor being spread? That I was dead?"
"Yes, a few people assumed that. A few people said they saw you running away aboard some ship. Your father placed a missing person's advertisement in the Gazette. He comes in here every night asking if anyone has found you yet!" Eli explained.
  "Wait, what?! I'm a wanted woman?! And I've been roaming the streets of Boston like it's nothing!" I exclaimed.
  "Why did you leave?" Eli asked, "Your family was really worried about you!"
  "They were going to make me get married! What choice did I have!" I snapped.
  "Well, can I say I found you and return you to your father?" Eli asked, a little taken aback by how worked up I was.
  "No!" I burst out.
  "Why?" He asked.
  "Because I'm not ready to go home yet," I sighed, calming down. "It's going to take more time before I can face my family."
   "Why?" He asked.
   "I...it's...." I stuttered, trying to figure out what to say. I did not have a very good reason. I guess Penelope's death meant Zeb had no one he would rather marry than me. Still I knew he did not want to, but if my parents found us they might still want us to marry and that would destroy him. As if he was not unhappy enough! "It's complicated."
"I'm sorry," Eli said, still curious but considerate enough to stop pestering me with questions. "Well, Zeb, how's the army?"
"Still pretty disorganized. We haven't done any fighting since we reached New York," He sighed, but was able to put on a fake smile.
"At least you're not dying," Eli said optimistically.
"I guess," Zeb said, his fake smile faltering.
"What brings you back to Boston?" Eli asked.
"My lady..." Zeb started to say.
"Oh! A girl?" Eli said slyly.
  I had to intervene. "Yes, he got to see her. We really should get going."
  "Alright. Well, it was very nice to see you both. Liza, you should see your family soon. I hope things get better for you both. Especially with the girl, Zeb. Goodbye!" Eli called.
  Once we were out of sight I looked at Zeb. His eyes were glazed over again. I gave his hand a little comforting squeeze. This hurt my arm a lot, but I did not mind.
  "That Eli's a good kid," he sighed.
  "Indeed," I said, "I'm sorry again."
  "I don't want to live without her, Liza. I just want to die," he sighed.
  "But I heard what she said to you," I said gently, "She wants you to keep living."
  "Not without her," He said shakily.
  "Correct," I said, "She's still with you as long as you remember her."
  He nodded and didn't say anything until we got to the boat. I felt a heavy weight of guilt on my chest that I had not tried to see or talk to Amaka or Eleanor during the quick trip. I missed my family terribly, but I was too afraid to face them. Besides, I had my life in New York. Our visit had been a sad one, and Zeb and I were relieved to return to New York.