Crestfallen ↬ Carl Grimes (old version)

RHETORICAL

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR; RHETORICAL

❝She spent a life building walls, and when she was done, she sat there in her 'lonely' wondering why nothing grew.❞

❝..Why...Why did you take me in?❞

➳

I COULDN'T REMEMBER THE LAST TIME I HAD SAT SO STILL FOR SUCH A LONG PERIOD OF TIME. It was like my body was asleep and my brain was awake and wandering the many layers it had buried deep in the dark depths of my head. But then again, I was speaking as if I actually had any perception of time, and that was nothing more than a lie if I continued to talk that way. To all of us, even the nameless group members who were once hard at work, the unknown amount of time that continued to go by seemed to bring us to the edge of our awareness; for usually time is something to be feared when people you care about are somewhere far off, unable to be reached. It made them jumpy and impatient, pacing the lengths of the car with heavy feet while Carl and I continued to hide our fears behind blank stares, keeping each other anchored to the real world with the entanglement of two hands.

With the few objects we had brought inside with us without a second glance from our captors, there was only so much people could achieve before we became forced to do nothing but wait. And so far, with no more tasks left, it was only fitting to imagine a giant knife trying to cut through the tension laced thick in the air. We were all worried, that was easy enough for me to tell without having to know everyone's thoughts and feelings on the subject. But it wasn't something I could relate to, for I couldn't claim the title of a loved one or a close friend in the small amount of time that I had been with them.  Apart from Rick, there was nobody else I needed to worry about on my own account. But for Carl, it almost felt as if it were needed to worry about every single one of his group members with him so he wouldn't carry the burden all by himself. I of all people should know the consequences of dealing with a heavy trouble for too long all by yourself.  

Was it helping him, staring off into the heavy distance without a word said between us? Should I be worried about the thoughts going through his head and the emotionless haze fogging up his normally bright blue eyes? I'm only used to my own kind of darkness and the way I react when I break down, but Carl had been with me at my darkest. He had helped me through a minor break down and even stayed with me after watching the dramatic scene because, as it seems, that's the kind of person he is. What kind of person would I be if I didn't do the same?

It may seem foolish to now be thinking such things as this in a situation that could mean the death of the people around me, but it was an upgrade from what people would expect me to be thinking; either fearing for my life or crying over the fact that I could die today, for the people around me only saw me as a little girl. But how stupid would I seem if such things were running through my mind? Whining and complaining can't change a dangerous situation, but neither can regular thoughts in a broken mind. Only actions. And what else could I do than help the blue-eyed boy get through this kind of emotional obscurity he had to deal with? Besides, no matter what I did, it wasn't like I was going to be of much help anyway.

Hesitantly, I allow my fingers to tighten their grip on his, tilting my head so that my attention was fully focused on him instead of the others around me. Biting my lip, I force my free hand to reach over and touch him lightly on the shoulder with a finger, gaining his attention in less than a heartbeat.

Slowly, a small smile rises onto my face, the scene of barely days ago replaying in my mind as I repeat the words he once asked, "Penny for your thoughts?"