Wonder who's going to be paying for this rehab thing. I'm guessing me. I found a place in Baton Rouge, which is a bit far from De Soto, Louisiana, where we're currently living. But what the hell, a vacation is good every now and then. This'll be too easy. I'll just sneak some H into the rehab, do my "time" there, and come home so everything can go back to normal. I know Bonnie wouldn't leave anyway, I just feel like I should at least pretend like I'm getting better, to give her some kind of hope. I don't even remember the last time she's smiled at me.
Yep. The place looks perfect. It's out in the woods, which'll be pretty peaceful. I've always liked the woods. Bonnie will be proud. She'll smile at me the way she used to. I miss that.
I realize my high has been gone for a while now, so I take out some of the monster and flick my veins before inserting the cool feeling of complete relaxation with a side of tripping udder balls. Feels good, it does. Wonder when I became so bad into my habit. After high school? Before? Don't remember, but even though this is some serious shit, I still love it. Do I love it more than my family? I hesitate with answering the question my sad and pathetic mind has brought up.
I guess the sooner I get there, the sooner I can get out. Better start packing now, and maybe when Bonnie gets home to see what I'm doing she'll be happy. Sometimes she's more depressed than usual. It worries me at times. I usually don't see it when I'm on the big H, but when I'm back on ground level I notice. I also notice random bruises and marks on her body. I don't know what from, and frankly, I'm too scared to ask. I'm too scared the answer might be something (someone) that I don't want to know.
The room trips and I immediately lose all memory of what my mind was on. Ahh, this feeling is so good. I lean the recliner back and stare at the ceiling.
Moments later (hours later?), Bonnie comes in with an attitude from hell. She hasn't said a word to me, but her facial expression ignites my anger of a flame. "What, Bonnie? Why are you giving me that look?" I bark.
She shakes her head, ignoring me. All of the sudden, I have her pushed against the wall and I spit words into her face. "You lil' bitch, you thank you can ig-ignore me like that?" She's fighting me. The next thing I know, Bonnie is on the ground sleeping. Rocky wobbles in wearing his diaper. He looks at his momma's bloody face, sticks out his bottom lip, and goes to lie beside her on the newly stained carpet. Rocky lies his head on Bonnie's stomach and pouts. I fall to my knees, and break. The watery fluids exit the corner of my eyes and down my cheeks. "I'm so sorry; I'm so sorry, so sorry." I hiccup, "I'll get better, I'll get better, and I swear it." I lie beside Bonnie and Rocky and hold them until I fall asleep by their side.
When I open my eyes and squint at the blazing star seeping through the window I look down to see Bonnie's not-so-beautiful face. Rocky must've gone to play with Sarah, because I can see remnants of baby footprints leaving the room in red. He had to of stepped in some of Bonnie's blood. Most of the carpet is still wet. I wonder how long I slept. I shake Bonnie's shoulder. Nothing. I try again harder. Not a muscle moves.
"Bonnie?" I ask, fairly loud. Her hand reaches to mine and squeezes. She can't talk. Our mental communication describes her state. She doesn't want to talk. I can tell by her swollen cheekbone, bloody lip and eyebrow, and what looks to be a broken nose. Shit, I really did it.
Slowly, I pick up Bonnie's limp body and carry her to bed. I call in her work to inform that she's sick. Promising her I will fix my mess and take care of her, my hand slides into hers.
"I promise," I begin, "I promise you Bonnie that I will get better. I will become the father and husband you want me to be. I will get a job, work hard and make you happy. No longer will my fortune be spent on heroin. It will be spent on what matters most; my family." I try to believe the words that my tongue preaches.
YOU ARE READING
The Monster in My Veins
ChickLit{COMPLETED} {MATURE CONTENT} When a dysfunctional family begins to go through unfortunate trials, the only way they can look is down. With a father addicted to heroin and a mother addicted to her coworker, they don't think their family life coul...
