A Sense of Guilt ✔

Chapter 12

Katherine would have liked to have said she was enjoying consulting with Margaret Cooper about her wedding but she wasn't. Margaret kind of sucked the life out of her, and it was something she should have been doing with her own mom if anyone. She thanked God for Eva and Danielle, at least she could enjoy the bridesmaid's stuff with them.

'Do you know what you're mom's wearing yet?' Margaret asked her mouth puckering.

'No we've not discussed it.' Katherine hadn't thought to ask.

Margaret tutted. 'I know I'm being a pain but you don't want us to clash, or her to clash with the colour scheme.'

'I'll have a word,' Katherine said trying to be patient. She knew Margaret wanted the day to be perfect for them, she wasn't coming from a bad place. Her phone pinged and she looked expecting a message from Joe. He'd said he was stopping off for a few drinks after work.

Hey we're going on to another bar, shouldn't be too late x

She sighed, feeling a little disappointed.

'Is everything okay Katherine?' Margaret asked seeing her frown.

She put a smile on her face. 'Yeah, Joe's staying out tonight.'

'Well Joseph is soon going to have much bigger responsibilities to come home to, I'd nip it in the bud now if I were you.'

'It's just a drink after work,' Katherine said, thinking it wasn't like his mom to be critical of him.

'Hmm, it is now. But wait until you're up to your eyes in diapers, and you're exhausted and craving some adult company and a break, then it's not just a drink after work.'

Katherine nodded. She suspected Margaret was speaking from personal experience, however, for now, a simple drink after work was no big deal. 'I'll keep an eye on it. If it starts becoming a habit I'll nip it in the bud.'

Margaret smiled. 'I know I'm being overbearing but too many men think that nothing should change when they start a family. It's better Joseph doesn't get into bad habits now than you have to try and get him out of later down the line.'

~~~~

Joe lay in bed with Shannon, his arms wrapped around her. He was keeping an eye on the time but he really did not want to leave.

'I could tell Kat I've drunk too much and I'm staying over with a friend,' he suggested stroking her leg.

'No Joey, don't tell her more lies.'

'You don't want me to stay?' He was surprised she kicking him out already.

Shannon twisted around to look at him. 'Say you stay, well you'll only have to leave tomorrow and what happens then?'

'Nothing has to happen.' He had no intention of telling Katherine, and so long as he kept his story straight, said he was staying with a work colleague, he wouldn't get caught out.

Shannon chewed her bottom lip. 'Right so you just go home and pretend this hasn't happened and you don't think Katherine will get suspicious?' she asked sceptically.

'I've given her no reason not to trust me,' he said and he felt a bit guilty. He'd never so much as looked at another woman since they'd got together and yet deep down he knew he'd hoped tonight would end up like this. He couldn't have made his intentions any plainer than if he'd turned up with flowers.

Shannon met his eyes. 'You have just cheated on Katherine.'

'You sound like you're on her side,' Joe said. Katherine was his problem, not Shannon's.

'I'm on my side, cos someone has to be,' she said her voice wavering.

'I'm trying to use you, Shan, I'm just....' he broke off confused. He had no idea what this was. He loved Katherine but he couldn't stand the thought of Shannon with anyone else. And yet a few weeks ago she barely even featured in his thoughts.

'Look let's just consider this a part of our old relationship,' Shannon said lightly. 'Just tell yourself that after we split up we bumped into each other and had a one night stand. Pretend this happened pre Katherine.'

He frowned. 'Is that really what you want? For me to just forget about you?'

Did it mean nothing to her?

Did he mean nothing?

Shannon looked downcast. 'No I probably don't want that but you're about to get married and I don't want to set myself up as your last fling. I like Kat but even if I didn't I wouldn't want to be some sort of mistress.'

'What about friends with benefits?' Joe joked trying to lighten the atmosphere.

'I think that'd be worse, then you wouldn't even buy me nice gifts.' She was joking but he felt bad.

'Yeah I would,' he said more seriously. 'Part of me will always love-'

She put a finger to his lips. 'Don't say it, it makes it harder for me.'

'But why?' He wanted her to know that she wasn't a meaningless one night stand, he did care for her.

'Cos you're about to get married, and I'm about as far away from that as I could get.'

'I do care,' he insisted, thinking he had to be safe saying that. She snuggled closer to him but she said nothing and he knew that was his cue to drop the conversation.

~~~

It was well after midnight when Joe finally got home. He let himself in feeling unsteady, he and Shannon had made their way through a hell of a lot of wine. For some reason he felt worse about coming home wasted than he did about cheating. He guessed that was because he could hide his cheating but Kat would have to deal with his inebriated state.

'Is that you?' Katherine called.

'Yeah, I'm gonna take a shower.'

'Do you have to at this time of night, I'm trying to sleep.'

He tried not to get irritated, he knew she was a light sleeper. 'I'll be quick,' he said as she got up to join him. He wished she'd stayed in bed, he felt like he was about to trip up. She leaned towards him and he flinched, paranoid that she'd smell Shannon's perfume on him.

'Relax, why are you on edge?' she asked sounding hurt, and he realised his blunder.

'Sorry but I must stink of booze the amount I've had,' he said apologetically.

She seemed to accept his explanation. 'I hadn't noticed but don't let this become a habit, I've already had your mom lecturing me.'

'My mom?' He was instantly defensive.

Katherine snorted. 'Yeah, she was saying that I had to knock your bad habits out of you before we had a baby.'

He looked at her bewildered, the alcohol was making him fuzzy headed and he didn't know where she was coming from. 'What baby?'

Kat giggled. 'There isn't one silly, she was talking about in the future. She said I had to get you to shape up now.'

He shook his head, he really had had a lot to drink. 'I guess you do.'

'Don't be daft, you're entitled to a night out. I won't be stopping mine even when we have a baby.'

'It won't become a habit,' he said guilt beginning to set in. There was Kat defending him to his mom, oblivious to what he'd really been up to.

'I think your mom's just getting ahead of herself, I mean we haven't even discussed when we'll try for a baby,' she said lightly but even in his drunken state, he wasn't taken in by her tone. He suspected she wanted to try as soon as the wedding was over.

'Can we have this conversation another time, I've had a lot to drink and I need to get in the shower.'

'Sure, don't be long,' she said in her best seductive voice. He smiled at her weakly and headed to the bathroom not intending to go to bed any time soon. He'd messed up massively and he had no clue what to do next.

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