Ignitable

Ignitable - Chapter Twenty Two

Sophia....

As tense and as nervous as I am, I honestly can't wait to see Cade. I just want him to tell me what happened when he went to see his mother. I want him to feel able to tell me about going to see his therapist. Because, although he kept telling me that he was okay—I could tell that he wasn't. When he came into the shop, kissing me until I couldn't think straight, I saw vulnerability swimming within his troubled green eyes. It was there, and I couldn't do a damn thing about it. But now that I am here, I want to rid that vulnerability from his eyes. Erase it from his soul. Knocking gently on his door, my heart softly, but rapidly, beats within my anxiously tight chest as I wait for him to open it. When he does, I look up at him, suddenly awash with such emotional relief at the mere sight of him. Literally throwing myself at Cade, I start nervously rambling. "I've been so worried about you." I whine, holding onto him for dear life. "Since you came to the shop, I've not been able to stop thinking about you." My clinging onto him, only gets clingier. "I know something bad has happened between you and your mother, but I need you to tell me everything. I mean, everything. I know that she hates me. I know that she doesn't want you to be with me, but I don't want you to keep anything she said to you, away from me...okay?"

Now smiling, Cade lovingly squeezes me tightly against his strong chest. "I will tell you everything. But first, you might want to try and take a breath?" The warm rumble of him chortling to himself, is such a welcomed sound against my ear. Drawing back slightly to endearingly look at my face, he's still smiling down at me. "I'm sorry that I've made you so worried, I just really needed to work through some things today. But now that you're here, I'm ready to tell you all that's happened." Using only the soft pad of his adoring thumb, he thoughtfully strokes my cheek. "Come and sit down with me?" Taking hold of my hand, I feel his fingers clasp around mine as he leads me towards his comfortable sofa. He seems to have put some thought into my arrival this evening—candles are lit, Rag'n'Bone Man is quietly playing in the background and I can smell something nice cooking in the oven—this is Cade trying to relax me. Sitting ever so close, I eagerly wait for him to begin, caressing my fingers with his while I do wait. Cade seems to be looking at the way our hands are so effortlessly entwined—effortlessly entwined, just like our hearts. "Before I start, I just want you to know how happy you have made me, Sophia. Without you, I don't think I would have got through today."

As sweet, and as sad as his softly spoken words are, they also scare me a little. "What's happened, Cade?" I ask with a pleading edge to my voice. "Just tell me what has happened?"

With the sad sweetness slipping away from his handsomely shadowed features, Cade quietly begins. "This morning, my mother told me that she was raped. I was the product of that rape."

Gripping tighter onto his hand, I shuffle closer against Cade. "Oh god! I'm so sorry." A shaken apology slips out of my lips. "I'm so sorry." I apologise again, just because it feels right to do so.

Cade sighs deeply, appearing to be more okay than I thought he might be. "After seeing my therapist, I am feeling much more together about it now. I have been seeing Grant for quite some time now, because I needed help. I may come across as this wealthy and arrogant barrister, but inside, I've been a functional mess. Day by day, I've been slowly becoming my mother. The drink and the women, they were to just help me forget that I was slowly becoming her. I've been fighting against that, for most of my pitiful life. Then I met you." He pauses, pausing to smile just a little. "You have changed everything for me, Sophia. God knows how, but you've made me fall in love with you. And although I don't deserve it, you have fallen in love with me." I try to interrupt him, but he doesn't let me. "Just let me say my piece, it's important that you hear it." He smiles again, stroking his thumb across the fleshy Venus of mine. "I am one half of a rapist, the other half of someone who has become emotionally dead inside. I know that I am a man with a shit load of baggage, I know that. I used to think that I was unsaveable. I used to think that my life would be just as empty as my mother's. I thought all of that, until you came into it. You make me want to be someone else, Sophia. You make me want to live my life in a better way. The thing is, I know I am complicated. I know I still have some things to work through in my head. When I told you that I didn't want to be a broken man for you, I meant that. It's going to take time, but with you in my life, I know that I can do it. All that I ask, is that you give me time? Give me enough time to become unbroken?" His glazed green eyes are locked onto my grey ones, framed with such desperate sincerity. "This is who I am, Sophia. Every single flawed part of me, I have shown to you. My ugly past and my hopeful future, I have given it all to you. I know that I may not be enough right now, but one day, I will be. All I need to know, is whether you can wait until I will be good enough for you?"