Officially Blake's

CHAPTER 64

Napatigil ako saglit. Tama ang sinabi niya. It struck me right in the guts. I call myself her boyfriend; tell her I love her million times more than anything but I didn't have the balls to tell her the truth.

“I can’t believe boys, you know. I can’t believe you.”

“I didn’t want to lie to her,” I admitted, habang nakatingin sa baba dahil sa hiya.

“Mate, you didn’t lie to her. You just kept a secret… that’s not to be kept. You know what I’m talking about? Lying is masking the truth with another thing. Keeping a secret is simply shutting your mouth about a matter. Bloody nora! It’s different.”

She looked at me like I was screwed for life.

Then she continued with her preaching…

“But does the difference matter, mate? No! Everything went barmy because of this. I’m pretty sure both of you are arse over elbows for each other but… what were you thinking not telling her something she’s got to know?”

“I need to talk to her,” seryoso kong sabi. “I need to explain everything.”

Maglalakad na sana ako palampas sa kanya papunta kay Nicolle pero bigla niyang hinawakan ang balikat ko para pigilan ako. Tinitigan ko lang siya.

“Not now,” sabi niya.

“Cheese off because she’s not in the mood for compromising. She’s bloody tired.”

I let out an audible breath before then frowning at her. “Sabi ko gusto ko siyang makausap. You don’t tell me what to do. Who are—“

“Don’t you shout at me, boy. You are totally naff. I could be the only way you can talk to her. So be polite.” Ngumisi siya sa akin na kinainisan ko.  

“What do you want me to do then, British girl? Stay here and look at her. Stay here and wait until she decides she’s not mad at me anymore? Or at her family?! Or at herself?! Stay here while she’s suffering?! Damn, girl! I couldn’t just stand here in this fucking guardhouse forever just talking to you!”

Inirapan niya ako. Hindi ko na lang siya pinansin. I don’t care kung anong iniisip sakin ng babaeng to ngayon. I don’t care kung iniisip niyang bastos akong tao. I need to talk to Nicolle. And I need to talk to her right now.

Kase kung hindi pa ngayon… kelan pa? Pagka tuluyan na niya akong kalimutan?

I won’t let that happen. No. Over my dead body.

“Okay, then.” She shrugged. “Go talk to her. But if she don’t want to, please give her some space. She needs it.”

Tumango lang ako sa kanya. Narinig ko siyang kausapin yung guard na hayaan na akong pumasok. Diretso akong naglakad palapit kay Nicolle. I was gripping to the hope that she might want to talk to me or at least hear me out.

Gusto ko lang talaga siyang makausap kahit isang minute lang, okay na ako don.

At least nalaman ko na okay siya.

I was just a foot away from her. Then just an inch. Then… napansin ko na lang na niyayakap ko na siya. I did not even think about it. Siguro natural na lang sa akin yon… yung gusto ko na malapit kami sa isa’t isa.

Hindi ko naramdaman na niyayakap niya din ako. Nakatayo lang siya doon habang hinihigpitan ko ang yakap ko sa kanya. I breathed in her scent. Just like the way I did bago niya ako iwan doon sa hospital hallway na yon.

Pagkabitaw ko sa kanya, tinitigan ko siya ng diretso sa mata na punung puno ng pag-asa na babalik na siya sa akin.

Wala akong nakita sa mga mata niya kundi pagtataka at mga tanong.

“Why?” yun yung lumabas sa bibig niya habang nakatingin sa mga mata ko. Wala siyang expression. Diretsong diretso… it’s like she wasn’t even feeling a thing or if she did, she didn’t want to show.

Tinanggal niya yung dalawang kamay ko na nakapatong sa balikat niya.

“Why?!” sigaw niya ng galit na galit.

“I still remember you know. When I saw you… everything came back to me. Why?!”

Napapikit ako sa pagsigaw niya. “I didn’t tell you because—“

“I wasn’t asking about that. I’m asking you why… Why are you coming back now? I don’t want you anywhere near me… I don’t want you—“

Hindi na niya tinuloy ang pagsasalita niya.

Alam kong hindi totoo ang sinasabi niya kasi umiiyak na siya ngayon. Alam kong kahit na marami na siyang nakakalimutan, hindi pa din nababawasan ang mga pakiramdam niya.

Umiiling iling siya habang tuloy tuloy ang pag-iyak niya. “I don’t understand, Blake… My family… what they did to me… it’s enough. And then you—damn. What did I do to deserve this?! Tell me… I just don’t…” huminga siya ng malalim. “…understand.”

Hinawakan ko yung mga pisngi niya pero tinulak niya lang ang kamay ko palayo. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Nicolle. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m so—“

“Enough… because your apology is not going to bring me back to you.”

“Enough,” biglang sabi naman ng isang lalaki.

Napalingon kaming lahat at nakita si Matthew na nakatayo sa malapit sa amin. Tinignan niya ako ng matalim. By themselves, my hands clenched into fists.

Biglang tumakbo si Nicolle papunta kay Matthew at humawak sa braso niya.

At that time… nanghina ako. Sobrang nanghina ako na napaupo ako sa sahig. Nakatingin lang ako sa kamay ni Nicolle na nakahawak sa braso ni Matthew. Hindi ako makagalaw sa nakikita ko ngayon.

I promised to protect Nicolle. I promised her… I promised to protect her even from myself.

It’s just so funny that my ex’s brother is the one doing that now.

Life is really a big joke, isn’t it?

Narinig kong kausapin ni Matthew yung babae kanina and then after a minute, Nicolle and the British girl were gone.

Naiwan kaming dalawa ni Matthew doon. Nakaupo ako sa sahig, nakatulala. Siya naman nasa tapat ko at siguro kinakaawaaan na ako.

“I’ll give her back to you when she’s ready.”

Yun lang ang sinabi niya tapos umalis na siya.

Right then I felt so scared…