You're a Dork- Clexa College AU

Chapter Eighteen: Better Than This

LEXA'S POV

"You hanging in there Lex?" Clarke called, a good eight feet above me. Jaha had gone up ahead and was already at the top, having started before us, apparently Clarke and I climbing up just the two of us would be good for 'couples bonding and teamwork skills' or something like that. Although as much as I wanted to bond more with Clarke, and as much as I was falling for her, I was more focused on making sure I didn't literally fall.

"Yeah..yeah I'm good" I shouted out, words shaking "Just, uh, taking a break. I'm out of breath"

"You're literally the fittest person I know, but you look like you're breathing pretty unsteadily- are you okay?" Her voice held genuine concern, and I couldn't help but feel warm at that. There was a pause between us before a flash of realisation went through her eyes "You're afraid of heights aren't you?"

"What? Don't be insane" I exclaimed a little too animatedly "I lived on a sixteenth floor apartment until I was fifteen, Clarke- heights are not something I have an issue with"

I attempted to pull myself up further, but it was as if my legs had become one with the rock face, I was becoming convinced that I would never move from my place on the mountain. A part of me wondered if I should just tell Clarke I was scared and had no idea what I was doing, but a bigger, more idiotic part of me wanted to impress my girlfriend. 

"Alright then, Woods. Show me what you've got and get your ass up to me" She encouraged, raising her brow. There was a hint of a smirk on her face, as if to say she didn't believe a word I was saying. 

I remembered doing something like this with Costia, and how when she found out mid-way through leading me up a rather large tree that I was afraid of heights, she insisted that we go down immediately so I wouldn't have to deal with my fears and we could just have a nice day with our feet on the ground. But what Clarke was doing was different, she had this look in her eyes that made me want to keep going, if not for me, then for her. And something about that made the whole situation on this mountain side seem slightly less scary. Slightly, I was still convinced that I was mere seconds away from falling to my death. 

"I'm gonna give this another shot- are you afraid of heights?" The Arkadian repeated, emphasising her words.

"I wanted to impress you" I confessed, pulling my body closer to the rocks. I couldn't even bring myself to look up at her, I didn't want to watch as she realised that the girl she was with wasn't as tough as she thought, I didn't want to see the judgement or disappointment, I didn't want to see any of the things I was thinking about myself written across her face, because the idea of her seeing any of my insecurities- even the surface level ones, like this fear of heights, was beyond terrifying "It's stupid, a stupid fear and I didn't want to look weak--"

"You're stupid, Lexa" She shook her head, but I watched as she descended down to my level so that she was beside me, still a metre or so to my right, but close enough to help me calm down "Stupid if you think that you having a fear makes you weak. And stupid that you think after months of dating me, you still think you haven't impressed me enough"

There was a softness to her words as she spoke, staring straight over at me. It was then that I realised just how blue her eyes were. I had noticed before, of course, multiple times. But they were so blue against the greens of the fern trees in the area and the brightness of the sun reflecting against the rocks, despite the crispness of the cold air. Things seemed a lot less scary in that moment, not in the way which made me forget we were climbing an oversized death rock, but in a way that made me not care. Because even though I was afraid, I had just been told that fear isn't something I need to be ashamed of, and for the first time I actually believed it.