You're a Dork- Clexa College AU

Chapter Ten: 'She's forgiving'

LEXA POV:

I regretted what I said as soon as I said them, freezing as Clarke's dorm door slammed shut behind me. My heart was racing as tears welled up in my eyes, breathing unsteady as I thought about Costia, and how she had blown it for me and Clarke, and it hurt, because I truly thought that Clarke had one of those connections people only talk about in stories. But what hurt either more, was knowing that it wasn't Costia who had blown our shot, it was me. It was my reaction to my former girlfriend, it was me because I was still haunted by what Costia and I had gone through. I ran a stressed hand through my hair, spinning around and raising my hand to knock on the blonde's door, but I stopped. Hesitating before letting my hand fall with a sigh, walking away towards the door.

As I waited for the elevator, I thought about what I had said to Clarke, knowing it would have hurt her, and the thought of her crying alone in her room made me wince. I just kept replaying the events of the morning in my head over and over, just wishing I had taken Costia's lead and been civil, but no, I had to let the anger take over me, I just had to go and let it out on Clarke. I pinched the bridge of my nose, closing my eyes.

"Lexa?" My head snapped up to see Octavia standing there, a concerned look on her face. Raven and Wells were behind her as I just stood there, frozen, the sight of them only made me feel guiltier. I gulped, breathing unsteadily and stumbling back.

"I...I should take the stairs...You should go to Clarke, she probably needs you" I croaked, feeling my voice break as I broke into a ran towards the stairs, ignoring the cries of my name after me. I just ran. I ran down the stairs. I ran across the lawns. I ran and I ran until I reached only place I felt safe, the only place where I felt as though I was in control. I ran and I didn't stop until I was there.

The familiar smell of a mixture of sweat, fragrance and a tinge of disinfectant made me relax at the familiarity of it. My eyes wandering around the gym which I had seen too many times to count. The gym I had trained in since I was eight years old. I was still in my jeans, T-shirt and leather jacket, but just being in the room made me feel better. The room was empty, which was a relief, I didnt feel like facing anyone. So I just wandered over to the punching bags, which hinge from beams, beaten and slightly stained with blood. I looked at the raised mat where I had spent a lot of my days as a kid, practicing until my hands were bloodstained, beaten and bruised.

I walked foreward, hesitating before walking up the steps onto the mat, wandering to the centre where I closed my eyes, remembering the feeling of when I was first crowned World Champion in the Senior Devision when I was just fifteen years old. The sound of the crowd cheering, the look of calm pride on Indra's face, Aden unable to hide his excitement as he screamed his congratulations until his voice was hoarse. I remembered how my eyes scanned the crowd as I looked for...looked for Costia.

"That spot right there" I heard a voice suddenly say, snapping my eyes open to see Bellamy walking towards me, wearing a dirty looking white tank top and black shorts "Is the exact place where I first saw Aden. He was in a beginners class kicking some poor kids ass, I knew right then, that he had potential. He always talks about you, you know?" He said, as he walked up the steps towards me, a slight smile playing at the corners of his lips.

"He says he wants to be like me, but he's better than I was at his age. I never thanked you....you've become a role model to him" I informed him politely, fiddling with my hands, attempting to distract myself from the pain and guilt that was building up inside of me.

"That's a duty we share" He responded softly, a few moments of silence passing before he spoke again, his brow furrowing slightly as he stared at me with a look of concern and care "What's wrong, Lexa?"