What society wants (Xiuhan fanfic)

why (Luhans POV)

Warning: self harm is talking about in this chapter. This chapter in general is very sad. If you can't handle mature scenes or if you're not over the age of eighteen, please don't read this chapter. 

I watched Minseok pushed past me as he walked away in sadness. I slightly cursed at myself in my head. Why did I have to say that, I'm so stupid. Why do I say so much things before thinking it through?! I put one hand over my mouth and looked down at the pavement.

I sighed lightly, knowing I couldn't just stand here and contemplate on every single one of my mistakes. We all know I'd probably be here forever if I did that. 

I started walking my way to the subway station so that I could go home, get my car, sell it and then head to my part time job. I need to find another part time job, I need some more money, and this part time job that I have right now isn't going to cut it for the monthly bills and the debt that I have to get my father out of. 

Once I got home, for some odd reason, the front door was open to our house. "Please don't tell my he left the door open" I say to myself in worry, running into the house to see if anything was stolen. Not like there was anything to steal, but if people stole what we already had, what would I be living on? 

I ran up to my bedroom where the only thing I cared about which were my savings were hiding underneath my pillow. 

I slammed my bedroom door open, scanning my bedroom to see it was a mess. I instantly went to where my pillow was laying on the floor and lifted it up to see the money was all gone. All the money I have been saving up to pay for my dad's debt was gone. It might have not been a lot, but it was more then five hundred dollars. 

"FUCK!" I shout, practically at the top of my lungs. I felt tears starting to form in my eyes. I didn't want any to fall, but I wiped underneath my eyes when I couldn't hold them back anymore. 

I slowly stood up, my legs shaky, it felt like I couldn't hold myself up. I leaned against the wall for support. What am I going to do now, I need to pay those loan sharks something by the end of this month or I don't know what's going to happen! 

I ran my fingers through my hair, my whole body still shaky. I let out a deep sigh, starting to walk to leave my bedroom when I saw my father at the end of the hallway, staring at me as I exited my bedroom. He stared at me and asks "that money under your pillow, where did you get it?" 

I looked at him with my eyes opened wider. My heart started to beat faster when he mentioned it and I smiled at him. "Y-You know where the money is? Where is it dad, I really need it!" I say, looking at him, sounding more desperate then I've ever been. 

He looked at me with one eyebrow raised. He crossed his arms across his chest and answers "of course I spent it, a kid like you shouldn't be controlling that much money." 

I felt like all the tiny hope I had left when he mentioned the money in my bedroom, was gone. My world is slowly crumbling. "Y-You what?" I ask, I seriously couldn't believe my ears. 

"You're the kid, I'm the adult in the house. I'm the one who's suppose to have the money." He protests, taking a sip of the beer that was in his hand. My dad wasn't drunk, but I'm guessing he was on the verge of getting there. 

"Y-You still have at least some of it...don't you?" I ask, looking at him with the same pleading eyes but he didn't answer me, he just walked past me, pushing past me as he walked down the stairs. 

I could hear the front door slam behind him as he left the house and I fell to my knees. I placed my hands in my face and started bawling. "Why, why, why, WHY!!" I shout, tears streaming down my face. 

I slowly looked up, bringing my hands down from my face, but the tears wouldn't stop. They wouldn't stop pouring. Why...why can't I just have a nice family...why...why did my mom have to die...mommy..why'd you leave me?!!! Fuck, fuck everyone! 

I stood up slowly, walking to the bathroom where I stared at my reflection in the dirty mirror which now had rust forming around it. I punched the mirror, still crying. I could feel tiny pieces of glass pierce my skin as I punched the mirror, but I didn't care. 

I slowly brought my shaking hand down from the mirror and looked down at the blood dropping down into the sink. 

I took one of the sharp pieces of glass that had fallen when I shattered the mirror and brought it up to my wrist. Can't I just go with my mom...I just want to see my mommy....why...why..why'd she leave me. 

I sighed, letting the tears rush down my cheek. I heard a noise coming from downstairs which startled me. At the same time as I jumped, I let the piece of glass go, which pierced my forearm, leaving a huge, deep cut. "Fuck" I shout, having the pain of my skin opening tingle my arm. 

Blood was pouring, I didn't know what to do, I started freaking out. I looked around the bathroom for a first aid kit, but of course we didn't have one. If we can't even afford an apple to eat, how would we be able to afford a first aid kit? The first aid kit we had from before was gone, and I'm guessing I know why.

I ran to my bedroom where I wrapped my wrist with the closest thing I could grab which was an old shirt of mine which I probably shouldn't have done, but anything to help withstand the bleeding was better. 

I can't go to the hospital, I can't afford hospital fees. Hospital fees on top of the bills I have to pay, and the loan sharks that want money by the end of this month, I can't afford to go to the hospital right now. 

I tried sucking it up, baring with the pain. I could see the blood soaking through the thin shirt that I had wrapped around it. Just seeing the blood started to get me nauseous. 

I sighed, shaking my head to try and focus. I have to go to my car and drive it to the person who is thinking of buying it...I can't...I can't be distracted by a small...a small cut. 

I managed to make my way downstairs and grabbed the car keys on my way outside the house. I got into my car where I put the keys inside and put two hands on the wheel. My wrist hurt even more while I gripped onto the wheel but I closed my eyes tightly and tried ignoring it. 

I started backing out of the driveway and started driving onto the road. The blood from my wrist was dripping onto my pants, but I tried to ignore it as I made my way to the person who was interested on buying this car and giving me money.