My Strength & My Shield / psm28:7

20 - God Talk

Is this really how God feels about me? Is it really how I feel about him? At least with my daughter and me, we're both human, and it's easy to read each other. We are so close that we have a fairly decent idea of how the other is feeling, whether we're tired, sick of school, stressed from work etc.

It's a little harder with God. I guess because I can't see him, and although His spirit lives inside of me, I can't always read it very well. To be truthful, there are a lot of times I don't feel the spirit anywhere near me, and I guess that's why it still blows me away when I do.

And yet, aren't we supposed to be one with the Spirit? And aren't we supposed to be led by the Spirit? Jesus was led by the Spirit into the dessert. All around me, I hear people talk the talk, "The Spirit led me to do this or that." It's not that I doubt them. Maybe these people are so close to God that it doesn't bring them the same emotional response that it does to me when I know the Spirit is moving in me.

But I'm a doubter sometimes. Not about God, but about terminology. I think sometimes, we talk the talk really well, and we might even walk the walk pretty good too. Others might introduce us as Godly Christians, but I never feel all that Godly. I don't measure up to those I consider Godly, and I feel I have a long way to go before I should be called Godly if ever I am. I can't just 'bring it on' to say the Spirit led me anywhere the way I hear others say it so often. Because when I hear the Spirit... really hear the Spirit, I might as well be a puddle of water on the floor because there's no way I'm going to be able to pick myself up for a while after hearing the Spirit of God speak to me.

People talk about it like it's an everyday occurrence, and I worry about that because I honestly don't think it is. When I've heard the Spirit speak to me, or speak with evil inside of me while I'm on the outside as if listening in on private conversation, I spend days, sometimes weeks, in awe of having been party to hearing it. My days become blurred because all I can think about are the things that were said by the Spirit.

Someone once told me that I shouldn't tell others that the Spirit actually speaks to me because the Spirit doesn't speak the same to everyone and some people might get a jealous that I was talked to but they weren't. I couldn't understand that because as Christians, we should want to shout it out that the Spirit of God spoke... really spoke! Not a feeling, not 'I think He wants me to do this,' but really... I mean REALLY spoke! And I heard Him just as plain as if I was having a conversation with my daughter.

I'm not saying God can't urge us, or give us a little push from behind or send signs to lead us to do something we've asked His direction on. I'm just asking, are we kidding ourselves with 'Christian terminology' when we say things like, 'the spirit is really with us today' or 'the spirit wants me to do this today?' Are we being honest with ourselves about it? Are we being honest with God?

I suppose it's up to each of us to determine if we really hear God's voice through His Spirit. I hope that I never get so used to 'hearing it' that I'm not completely humbled by it. I want to feel awe on those rare occasions when it happens, so that I am compelled to do what it directs me to do. Otherwise, I'm just going to end up doing what I want to do, with nothing spiritual about it. I want to feel that even though we're apart in the sense that I'm human and God is spirit... that we're really together... in more ways than just words.

As he spoke, the Spirit came into me and raised me to my feet, and I heard him speaking to me. (Ezekiel 2:2)