Rimworld: Diary of a Pirate Boss

Entry #9

Day 59 I think.

Spent all day moving west. Found a stream and got a drink there. Hope I don't get sick. The animals around here are weird. These flying furry things with 4 wings, I don't even have a name for them. This forest is getting less thick as I head west. Think I'll turn south and make my way to the base, once I find a food source. For now, I made a campfire and am turning in for the night. Hopefully, these critters are scared of fire. The wound still hurts, but less. 

Day 60

Woke up next to the fire... A rhino, ostrich, cheetah, and boom critter thingies were sleeping around my fire. Another thing I was wrong about on this freaky planet. The rhino drooled on my shoe! Damn things!!

I've been walking for hours now. After I stopped to eat my last bit of pemmican, I looked around the area with my binoculars. I saw a caravan traveling in the distance south of this position. How convenient! Meals on...what is that, a camel? Meals on meals! Yeah! I'm heading for that caravan!

The caravan was reluctant to have me join. They weren't looking for more people at their colony, so I told them that I was on the way to my colony and if I could stay with them for a few days. Of course, my boyish charm helps.

Their clothes are so ragged, but their supplies are so nice and well put-together. I don't get it. They should see the cheap shit and keep the expensive shit. I'm especially curious about that book of the Grimoire one of the three caravaners was carrying. It feels like it's talking to me.

Day 61 Morning

I killed them all as they slept. I got up at the crack of dawn and *snik snik* two stabs from the dagger in my pocket was all she texted. That means I've got their stuff and their animals. Suddenly this disaster of a trip doesn't feel so bad. I see they have a long range radio on one of the animal packs. I wonder if that's how they communicate with their home base. Once I get to a safe spot tonight, I'll try and reach my base.

I moved much quicker after I ditched their stupid statuses, stupid haunted books, stupid outfits, ancient weapons and stone blocks. Who buys stone blocks? You can, like, any newbie can make them from chunks and instructions on their data watch!

The animals need a break, so I'm stopped here on a ridge. I'm going to give the radio a try, then make a saddle with the tools and leathers they had on the muffalo creature.

Day 63

Nothing on the radio the past two days. I must be out of range, still. But riding the camel creature has been exciting. My butt is sore. How did the ancient cowgirls of Western CanadUS handle this? Pillows?

Heard some weird laughter in the distance. I whipped out my charge rifle and fired at it. Didn't hit anything. Wonder if that cyborg monster is following me. Why would it laugh??? Is it some kinda psycho? Or am I being followed by someone else? SOMETHING else???

Day 65 afternoon.

I don't know where this caravan bought their food from, but MAN is it good! They must really like polenta! I should've written down where they were from, so we can steal their recipes.

Trying the radio now. I know I'm within range.

Flying Spaghetti monster, give me noodle strength...

I've taken all the rope and tied the muffalos around a tree. I tossed almost all the silver and gold out of the camel thing's bags. Need the speed.

Panicked call on the radio. Fires are out but Tonya went apeshit with a minigun because her husband died but I heard someone say she didn't like the coffee. Asked for Joan but she's in the hospital because some dumbass mixed flake in with the beer!

I'm going to ride as fast I can. This camel thing can go pretty fast for a while, but even it needs a break.

Day 66 11:00pm

I raced across the forests and up the mountains to get here. Dromedary has a bust leg but I think he'll live. Where do I begin?

Everything was going well until Day 61. Backup doctor hunted by a wolf. Lost a hand. 

Day 62 everybody got food poisoning and the escape pods were full of wounded from a space battle overhead. Doctor passed out treating them.

Day 64 We got bombed. Literally. Some motherfuckers from somewhere dropped Boomalopes and boomrats right in the middle of our fields. Our guns auto attacked and boom boom boom! Our potato crops are torched, half the healroot and carrots are roasted, our wooden storerooms are burned, guns damaged, fences melted into further slag, and half the colony is in the hospital with burns! PrincessPeach36 got hit by the explosions, so command went to the chief engineer whatsisface.

Whatisface got the fires out but he had a nervous breakdown when he saw the damage to the wind turbines. PrincessPeach36 got up and took over repairs.

PrincessPe- fuck it, Joan, got sick when she stopped to drink a beer. Doc looked at her in the morning and found traces of flake in her system. She doesn't like flake. Someone spiked the beer.

Tonya's husband died in the hospital. Forgot she was married. Doc couldn't get to him in time. Anyway yesterday morning she went apeshit and mowed down 10 men with the minigun. One guy said it was because she ran out of sugar. Other guy said it was because her husband died. Took the crew 5 hours and 3 grenades to take her out. Nothing got done because the special people hid in the ship all day!

Flashstorm struck and we lost our backup generators to flash strikes. Then the same bastards sent another wave of boomrat drop pods at our cave entrance! Fortunately, they ran off when they couldn't claw their way through the door.

I got here in the morning and have been leading cleanup efforts all day. And we got more survivors than we can manage, with barely any food to feed them! Doing the calcs:

Rice- at 80% in the hydrophonics. It'll be ready to harvest tmw. That's enough for 60 meals.

Watermelons- at 50% in the hydrophonics, ready by the end of the week.

We need more hydro tanks going, but my efforts to steal steel were stolen from my grasp. Last task today I sent 2 guys with 2 tribal prisoners to where I stashed the muffalos. With 50 colonists here, that's 10 days of meals in that caravan. We need more steel, and more food. Most of the surviving colonies are days away on food.

What am I going to do about the drop pods? We don't have anti-aircraft guns here! Everyone's looking to me for answers, but I'm a pirate not a damn general. I just tell them we need to get the bastards. 

I'm the best at attacking. So we have to attack. I'll conquer this planet if only for revenge. Nobody drops exploding animals on MY base!