TW: abuse and self harm
Youngjae was the literal embodiment of the sun, a ball of sunshine, and an all round happy person. But what if that was all a lie? A façade he had built up over the years to hide his true feelings away, from his family, his friends, from himself. What if under that façade, built up brick by brick, was a depressed, lonely boy who needed someone, anyone, to show him love and affection, that was what he wanted, needed, what he yearned for.
You see, he never had the best start in life. He had an alcoholic mother and a father who left soon after he was born, apparently, because Youngjae was all a big mistake. What his mother had told him many times, whilst drunk and sober. His mother began abusing him when he was just 7 years old, slapping him for being to loud or for being a 'nuisance'. it was hard enough dealing with his mother but having no father to look up to as a role model was very hard for little Youngjae. He had to do all the house work and cooking, as his mother was passed out on the sofa from drinking too much most the time.
The abuse started the moment she walked through the door home from work, even before she had had anything to drink, and would carry on until she had drunk too much and fallen asleep.
As he got older, the abuse got worse, bottles being thrown at him, being punched and kicked and slapped. All until he was black and blue, sometimes with fractured or broken bones too. He has had to go to the hospital because of his mother 2 times, once because she had managed to break 2 of his ribs, and the other because she had caused him mild concussion after whacking his head with an empty beer bottle.
And after all that abuse, he would go into school the next day like nothing had happened, except you could see the obvious bruises and marks all over him. But whenever he was asked about them, either by his friends or his teachers, he would lie and say it was just him being clumsy. He had quite a few friends, 6 of them, and he loved them all dearly but he knew they would try and interfere with all of it if they found out. He hated lying to his friends but he didn't want them worrying about him, or worse, doing something like calling the cops on him mother. He would never forgive himself if that happened.
Then he would go home and the process would begin again.
It was sad really, him not being to defend himself, especially against his own mother, but he refused to retaliate back to her. He vowed to himself that he would never be violent towards his mother, no matter what she did, because she was the one putting a roof over his head, buying the food he eats and the clothes he wears. But also because she was the only family he had left. He was an only child, and so was his mother, which meant no cousins, aunts or uncles. His father had left, so nothing on that side for the family, and both his mothers parents had died, so nothing there either.
Youngjae just learnt to put up with all of it.
At the age of 16, he began cutting himself, as a way to cope with everything. The physical and mental abuse. The stress of school, then his part time job, and also doing everything for his mother, who was past the point of help.
He began believing all the things his mother would say about him, telling him he was worthless, disgusting, a mistake. He began with cutting his upper thighs to avoid anyone seeing the scars and asking about them, but he soon ran out of room with doing it every other night.
He then moved onto his wrists.
He always wore long sleeved shirts and tops, hoodies and sweaters. He avoided anyone touching him, especially his thighs and wrists, flinching or shying away after the years of abuse he had had.
None of his friends had noticed his change in behaviour and clothing, well they did, but they thought nothing of it and just carried on as normal. All of them except one.
