In Your Dreams (BxB) ✓

seventeen

"I'm– I'm so s-sorry. Christian..." I cough and sniffle hard at the fucked up shit show I had to witness. I am starting to despise our dream bond we have. Maybe I didn't want or need to know this happened to him. This was so awful, I can't unsee what I saw. I just feel an ache in my heart and my head, wishing that my sweet, innocent Christian was as innocent as I had been lead to believe. The poor thing was molested as a child, and I gave him a hard time with being ready for sex.

I'm such a fucking idiot.

My vision blurs and readjusts as I am in the front yard of their home, the one they used to live in. There are too stretchers, one with the assailant in it and one with Christian. Ethan walks beside Christian's quickly as they roll him to the ambulance.

"Son, you are so strong. I'm so sorry that this has happened to you. Whenever we come home, you are sleeping in the bed with me from now on. That's a promise. I love you so much. I'm so glad you're okay."

"I love you, Dad," Christian's squeaks and they both begin crying again, Ethan lying his arms over his son as they shut the doors of the ambulance. I am now bawling again, maybe even harder than when I was outside the window.

Why does this shit happen? I beat my fists at the fake Dreamwolrd ground. Fuck Dreamworld. This is Nightmareland. Where only the darkest memories lie, and are twisted into our own sick minds' entertainment. My vision begins fading to black, as I can't see anything anymore like at the beginning. Suddenly, I feel like I'm losing all my air, like I'm drowning.

I gasp for air, yelling once to make sure I was alive. Christian screams next to me in the bed and I huff and puff until I can breathe again. Christian leaves me alone as I simmer down. After about a minute, I feel his cold hand creep onto my back, I flinch. I turn to look at him, his confused and pained look wringing my heart out. Then my tears come, pouring out like the blood from my desperate fists in that fake, but painfully realistic world. What did I see? Was it real? My mind swirls with thoughts of what could be reality anymore.

"You're– you're okay? Oh, Christian..." I whimper, my voice raspy and dry.

"Of course, I just laid down to sleep next to you. I hope I didn't frighten you..." he trails off, rubbing his arm self-consciously. I don't know how to react or what to say.

I can't just outright ask "you got molested?" That would crush him. But I can't ignore the fact that I am literally about to burst into tears.

"You can tell me what's wrong." That's when I lost it. I looked down into my lap and I broke. The tears rained onto the tops of my hands like the rain from that night. I choked on a sob, and let them burst free. Christian wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into his chest. I wet him with my hot tears as we rocked back and forth slowly. "Is everything alright? If you had a bad dream, talking about it might help."

"You we're... you..." I can't bear to say the word.

"Me? What happened to me? Did you have another, you know, dream?"

"I don't know. I want to believe it wasn't true, what I saw."

"What did you see? Was it about me?" I nod, not having the strength to say anything else. "I won't be hurt if you say what happened."

"I saw you get... you were... violated." Christian's demeanor changes from caring to absolutely terrified.

"You– you s-saw it?"

"I had to watch. Although it was dark, I knew it was you. You came to the window and... locked it, and you looked right into my eyes. When you went to bed, someone had emerged from the closet and I banged my fists into the hard window until they bled and I screamed at the top of my fake lungs and I tried to save you and no one was paying attention and–" I broke into sobs again. Christian didn't comfort me this time, and I didn't blame him. I felt him shuffle away from me and stand from the bed. I looked up and my eyes land on his back as he stands in the corner with his arms crossed.

"So you know. You must be disgusted. You must... hate me now."

"Wha-?" I croak.

"No one would want to be with someone who lost there innocence to a fucking child molester! No one would want to... touch someone who's been so violated and soiled." It hurt to hear him use the same word I used to describe him.

"You've got it all wrong, Christian. I love you. I am here for you, no matter what. This doesn't change anything."

"Then why are you so distraught? What is making you cry so hard?"

"Myself! I am an asshole. I tried to force something forward when I had no idea what you had been through. I was being selfish and expecting you to just give it up without thinking that you might have a dark past or anything!"

"You haven't acted like that, you have been so caring. I know, in your bedroom, things may have gotten heated, but I know you weren't going to do anything. And every instance after that, I knew you were being careful. You've been walking on eggshells for me, and you didn't even know what I had been through. I couldn't ask for a better boyfriend."

"It's just– I just..." I can't stop sobbing, drawing in ugly gasps of air. This awful thing that has happened to him, just eight years ago. He's been staying so strong throughout all of this. "If you don't mind me– me asking, what all happened?"

"It's hard to tell the story, but I've went over it in my head a million times. I relive that fucking awful moment in my mind almost everyday. I felt his hand cover my mouth, but I was able to scream for my dad loud enough. This man, Evan Bateman, he pulled the waistband of my pajamas down. I felt him fumbling around with his pants, and I kicked and flailed as hard as I could. Thankfully, he barely did much damage to me sexually. Mostly the damage was bruising on my back and neck. But the fact remains, he did it. He took a piece of my soul away from me that night."

"You didn't have to tell me all of that if you didn't wanna..." I say, feeling bad about his explicit confession to me.

"Don't worry. It is traumatizing. But talking about it only makes it easier for me. My therapist told me that years ago. So I talked about it aloud in my bedroom alone, trying to make it normal until I wouldn't cry. So it's okay, I'm not over it, but I am past it."

"Christian... You said I would be disgusted by you. But if anything, the way you have overcome this tremendous trial in your life, this has made you all the more amazing. I am absolutely disgusted by this evil animal who would do such a thing, but you... You don't deserve disgust. You deserve love." Christian's eyes glisten in the moonlight from above and he squints the tears away. "So, you can officially, 110% trust that I will give you all the time in the world. To be ready for the next step of this relationship."

"Thank you. So much. I feel a weight lifted off of my shoulders. Like, maybe you knowing that has given you half of the burden."

"I'll gladly carry it for you, as long as you're right beside me." I see his smile light up the darkened room. Christian drags his feet over to the bed and climbs into my lap, facing me. I touch my forehead to his and take in a deep breath of his scent. The smell like the ocean breeze coming from his hormones alone sends me into overdrive and I kiss his soft lips hard. I don't want to push it tonight, we need to sleep and make it to school tomorrow. Plus I'm emotionally exhausted and I'm too tired to make out. We both lie down, our limbs tangled and our fingers locked.

"Good night, baby."

"Good night, Jaybird." Mmm, that nickname makes my toes curl, and not in a bad way either. Christian plays with my hair, kisses my neck, and breathes into my skin softly. Why is this so perfect yet so imperfect at the same time? I'm just glad we are there for each other no matter what.

~^_^~

so when your tears fall down
your pillow like a river
i'll be there for you
i'll be there for you
when you're screaming but
they only hear you whisper
i'll be loud for you
but you gotta be there for me, too